Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Thank you very much, Tumbling, for writing in.

I'm not sure how I'm GAL any more than I was before recent events. I do feel that I have a good group of friends. I love going to the gym. It's not so much about GAL in the practical sense that is a problem for me it's more what goes on in my head. Unfortunately, I keep thinking that my happiness depends on what H is up to. Rationally, I know that doesn't have to be true but I seem to be wired in such a way that I focus on him and feel rejected.

H has been away now a couple of days and gets back tonight. He called once to see how everyone was doing and he sent a link to the restaurant he'd been to last night. I didn't initiate any contact but was pleasant on the phone and responded to his email asking what he'd had. What he had was v predictable so I just responded with a smiley face.

I've been very busy with kids and preparing for my appeal against Social Services' intended cuts in S13's package. I've also seen friends and family, etc.. I've been to the gym.

He says he'll be home around 9 tonight. I suspect that his train from Brussels gets in earlier and that he'll be going to his work space/club (where OW is also a member) and have a few drinks before he gets home. This communal work space (the Hub) is very close to the train station.

I feel much more at peace when he's away because I'm not feeling rejected by his absence and his actions. When he's home but not home it's more in my face and I feel hurt, abandoned, obsessed and critical. Then of course, there is the weekend looming..

I would really like to feel focus on myself and not him!