I basically had another bad night. My H is using me. He is nice so long as he is getting what he wants. I sort of had a melt down and finally really confronted him. There is no PA yet but my guess is definitely an EA. Who knows. I called him on being a rude ass and basically just being a jerk in general and told him in no uncertain terms that to bring OW or someone else in would definitely be a deal breaker for me and he needs to go file if that is what he wants. I mean it too. Since the last incident I have always made it quite plain that I would not tolerate nor accept that. Ever ever again. Another boundary for me is visitation with our children with another woman around also completely unacceptable and I will block his visitation for that too. Maybe you guys don't agree with that but it is one of my only real limitations. Frankly, his own family has questioned whether he should have visitation with them at all due to the depression. So anyway, it was bad. Very bad. A 50 minute phone call from hell.
It all started with him wanting me to find some of his things today. Which I did. Then being the good DB'er I even went so far as to wash all the clothes that had been in storage to try to help out and be supportive. Then of course he was nasty again tonight. I'm fairly sure I have blown it and right at the moment I don't care. I am making arrangements for the kids so I can not have contact with him for a bit. It isn't even about DB'ing. It is all about self preservation though. So that is where I am. Hope you guys are having a better experience than me.

We shall see.
In some ways I know it was good that I made my boundaries clear. It is also probably best if I cut him off for a bit. Make him be alone and actually miss everyone. Since he has been gone he has repeatedly come and gone as he needs/wants and in the name of DB I have been acting as if and being supportive even when I felt like it wasn't the best thing. I have tried to be nice and just allow it but I think he needs a bit of alone time with no contact from any of us. A more formal visitation agreement. He will either miss us or he will seek to fill that hole with OW. Unfortunately, I have no control over that. Really. All I know is he is not going to take advantage of me. I honestly feel like he will do what he wants either way and this back and forth is allowing him to continue to have control over us.