Still together but trying to save this

[PeteWyo]

*pure, not pre

[PeteWyo]

Lots of friends over right now. Good to know I'm not alone. It is hard to detach but it does work, at least to let me work on me and move on. But I do miss my wife so much.

[PeteWyo]

I have been having a lot of vivid dreams lately about my W. I work so hard to detach my feelings during the day that I think it all comes out when I am sleeping. Mostly in my dreams she is telling me why she can't be with me. It doesn't make a whole lot more sense in my dreams than out here in the real world. Has anyone had an issue with this? How do you overcome something that happens subconsciously? I wake up so emotional and depressed because of this and it ruins like the first couple hours of my day until I can get my head out of the clouds.

[PeteWyo]

So I'm at a crossroads in my life here. I have the opportunity to move to back where I grew up and keep my job. Not the same job precisely but close. Really without my wife and job, I don't have a whole lot significant keeping me here. I really don't want to move away leaving all hope of reconciling behind, but I do have to admit, it makes some sense. I dont know what to do.

[PeteWyo]

Also update on our situation, sorry, I forget. Wife is still staying out of the house. We text every day almost but it isn't about anything substantial. But I haven't talked to her in a long while. I want to call her but I also want to keep working on my anxiety. As I am working on that I feel so much better but I can't help but fell a bit abandoned. My IC tells me that this is a very real hung and not just in my head. She says people have a hard time understanding it if they have never felt it it experienced it. All the while, I feel like I have a handle on triggers and how to control it. I am getting a little bit of resentment reading a lot of the other posts on here, what ostensibly caused the breakdown in my marriage is not cause for this in my mind. It's as if I had some other well known physical ailment that was causing me stress and she is leaving me when I finally found a cure!

[PeteWyo]

*thing not hung. Jeez I suck at typing on the phone.

[PeteWyo]

It is looking more and more like my boss would like me to move back that way and develop a new market for the business. It makes a ton of sense to me except for the fact that my wife is here. Any advice? Do I stay here and stick it out or find a new job or take the opportunity to go be with family and friends and have the job opportunity? I'm so torn!

[PeteWyo]

Dreams are getting, well at least more normal and not so depressing. I'm so tired all the time. Lack of sleep and steady diet I guess. Haven't heard from the W for a couple of days. Makes me sad, but also gives me time to collect my thoughts and figure out what to do with my life at this point. Everything has always been so structured for me, now I feel like I'm in the wind a bit. I think this will end up being good for me.

[PeteWyo]

So there is something else that I am not so clear on. Should I be making an effort to contact my W?? I feel that I am doing a much better job of detaching so that I can continue to introspect and work on my anxiety and I think I am making great strides to be more comfortable in social situations. Every now and again, a thought will enter my mind about my W and I will miss her and want to call her. But from everything that I have read and that I hear on here, that seems to be the wrong thing to do. Or am I misunderstanding things. I don't want to detach from my wife, just my attachment to her. I want my wife in my life, she means the world to me and she always will and I don't want to mess up any chance I have of ever getting her back by not making an effort to contact her if that is what I am supposed to be doing.

I am going to my IC (Our MC) tonight again. I'm not sure if she is still going or not. She told me before that she was going to keep going for as long as she could afford it.

[PeteWyo]

I had a good session at the IC today. Figured some things out that I think will help me work on my anxiety moving forward. I think the ironic thing is that I probably never would have addressed this if it weren't for my W leaving me. At least some good will come out of this. I still struggle with accepting this as a reason to divorce but it is not my decision at this point. I still wonder whether or not to reach out to her. Anyone?