Thanks everyone. I'm sorry to be so needy and indecisive here, but I truly appreciate all the input.
I'm not sure why this is so surprising to me, but it is. (her changing plans at the last minute).
I guess in my mind... In my fantasy land... I believed that I could get some answers this weekend... That I could have a few hours with the woman I married to see where we are... And to gauge where we are going...
But clearly that's not gonna happen.
Most times, I feel so strong. I feel like I'm a better person than I was a few months ago... I feel like I've learned so Much about myself and the things that I need to work on to improve myself.
But my litmus test keeps being my W... And I keep finding out that she means more to me than I do to her.
I'm not trying to get sympathy here, and I realize this post flies in The face of so many of my previous posts... But I just need to vent or something.
I've tried SO hard to be strong through this. I've concentrated on GALing, my 180s and trying to detach... But clearly I've done a sh!t job on at least a few of those...
Maybe I'm totally overreacting here... And maybe I need to keep reminding myself I'm in a marathon, not a Sprint... But I can't help but feel badly right now.
I know I need to just keep on point... Say my peace and leave... But after thinking for Tue last week plus that I'd have a semi-captive audience... Well maybe I got my hopes up too much.
Like so many of you have said... At this point, she doesn't want to be with me... She doesn't want to work things out... She thinks she is happier now than she has ever been (and maybe she's right).
And there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
Just keep believing in myself. Believe I deserve more than this... And hope that she can see that... One day...
