Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

Here’s my plan moving forward, I am going to let W set up a time for us to meet with the councilor, I will do just fine. I will surely be prepared with the verbiage Arsene just provided. I want to get myself mentally prepared for the conversation. There’s a couple topics that I want to be prepared for. I also really like the response Denver gave me a couple weeks ago if for some reason infidelity comes up.

“I am married and I am behaving as such”

What's the goal with that comment? To reassure her or your fidelity

OR to get her to reciprocate?

B/c if it's the latter, That's an attempt to control her, of course. And you can't do that, plus it does sound judgmental to me. Like you are implying that YOU are doing something SHE is NOT...(so you are right and she's wrong).

You can say you are "Still working on yourself and towards a reconciliation" which sounds, TO ME a lot more possible...than the "here's what I am doing, in CONTRAST to you..." (which is merely how I am hearing you atm...Not necessarily what you meant...)

So how will you feel IF she says "I will date OM if I want to AND the D is merely a legal formality" or "I will then file asap"

b/c she feels cornered?


Quite frankly, I am not sure how to respond if she asks me how I feel about her infidelity.

I doubt she will ask b/c surely She KNOWS how you feel.

So Do not volunteer it again.

The more you say things that have no consequences or effect OR that are critical of her, the more she'll confirm in her mind, her choice to leave AND

the weaker you look, IMO.

It'd be very different if she sincerely asked about your feelings b/c MAYBE that would mean she wants to know if you can ever get past this.

If she thinks you'd never let this go, (which is understandable on her end b/c you bring it up a lot and you DO think about it a lot)

then she'll never want to try.

Very Few WASs want to try to reconcile if they feel the affair will be held over their head like the Sword of Damacles

or thrown in their face every time there is a fight.

Similarly, you have a chance to show her the NEW you. If you can start seeing interactions with her as opportunities instead of stressors, your attitude would be better and you'd come off stronger and more confident.

So, WHO is the NEW you?

How can you show her that man? How can you be that man?

finally, there IS a chance, however small, that she has a different intent for this meeting. She may be probing...she did NOT say "let's settle this once and for all" and if it was a text, I don't know how you "heard" her tone.

Was it a voice mail? Maybe she does not feel you have shown her interest.

What is HER love language

and how do you Give love?

IMO you ought to Start the meeting by Listening...and then listen some more.