My Most Important Week Yet

[Starsky309]

Other FWWs have reported how startled they were if their BHs changed decor, esp MASTER BEDROOM decor. Something masculine, something ALK.

Oh, and something masculine somewhere else in the home, prominently displayed. Set of drums where the formal LR couch used to be. Tropical fish tank where a dining room hutch might have been. That sort of thing.

VERY powerful optics that say "I'm doing just fine, and I've BEGUN the process of moving on.

Starsky

[roughenough]

Haa, good stuff Starsky!

[Denver_2010]

Also wanted to shout out to Denver, as I haven't heard from ya in a while, and I'm curious about your thoughts on this latest development/plan!

First, I wouldn't bother to take the photos down. I have no doubt that she'll notice, but who cares. You are still married, you still love your wife, and you're still fighting to save it. I continued to leave my pictures up during my separation too.

I don't have a problem with your plan for the weekend AT. I continue to believe that you ought to just make your statement and leave it at that but, at the same time, this may provide you with some useful information.

Good luck this weekend!

Denver

[Denver_2010]

New development: W called me and said the plans have changed again... Now, her friend will be coming tomorrow too... At around 8 pm, just about an hour after I normally get home from work.

W could sense I was perturbed by this and asked of that was okay. I responded that I'd prefer if we got some time to talk alone, and she said that her friend will stay upstairs while we talk... Not ideal at all.

I got off the phone, as I was upset and didn't want to let my emotions come out... Then texted that I would appreciate it if she could ask her friend to come down Saturday morning instead...

No response yet...

I go back to just making your statement and being done with it if her friend is there at your house. Also, I check in, make that statement, and then tell her that you have plans for the night and to please lock up. Then go out. I know others will tell you not to leave her there alone, and I agree if you don't trust that she will only take what has been agreed upon.

[labug]

Good luck, Alk!

[AlkalineThoughts]

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry to be so needy and indecisive here, but I truly appreciate all the input.

I'm not sure why this is so surprising to me, but it is. (her changing plans at the last minute).

I guess in my mind... In my fantasy land... I believed that I could get some answers this weekend... That I could have a few hours with the woman I married to see where we are... And to gauge where we are going...

But clearly that's not gonna happen.

Most times, I feel so strong. I feel like I'm a better person than I was a few months ago... I feel like I've learned so Much about myself and the things that I need to work on to improve myself.

But my litmus test keeps being my W... And I keep finding out that she means more to me than I do to her.

I'm not trying to get sympathy here, and I realize this post flies in The face of so many of my previous posts... But I just need to vent or something.

I've tried SO hard to be strong through this. I've concentrated on GALing, my 180s and trying to detach... But clearly I've done a sh!t job on at least a few of those...

Maybe I'm totally overreacting here... And maybe I need to keep reminding myself I'm in a marathon, not a Sprint... But I can't help but feel badly right now.

I know I need to just keep on point... Say my peace and leave... But after thinking for Tue last week plus that I'd have a semi-captive audience... Well maybe I got my hopes up too much.

Like so many of you have said... At this point, she doesn't want to be with me... She doesn't want to work things out... She thinks she is happier now than she has ever been (and maybe she's right).

And there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

Just keep believing in myself. Believe I deserve more than this... And hope that she can see that... One day...

[Denver_2010]

It's okay AT. Do NOT be hard on yourself. Nothing that you are feeling or experiencing is abnormal. You are in pain. There is no way around that. The only way through it, is through it. That means that you let yourself feel it, you learn what you can from it, you adjust your strategy accordingly, and you keep persevering... moving forward.

The problem right now AT is that you are looking too much at what she is doing and thinking. That is why I thought getting into a R talk with her wasn't the best idea, and preferred that you just make a statement of where you stand.

EVERY TIME she does or says something that is not positive or favorable to what you are trying to do, you are going to be disappointed and hurt. The bottom line is that it simply doesn't matter right now. You can't control it and you can't expedite this process... so I say again, who gives a F about where she stands? She hasn't filed for D, she isn't going to change her behavior because or you or anything that you say or do, and you aren't ready to be DONE. So what do her words about where she 'stands' matter? They will only serve to hurt you. And that, to me, is not productive.

And I'm not being critical of you. I think that you have done and AMAZING job up to this point. AND, I have been where you are. I know what you are hoping for, what your expectations are, and how absolutely heart wrenching it is when it doesn't go the way that you hoped it would.

You are not alone AT. Remember that.

Denver

[chatterbug]

Other FWWs have reported how startled they were if their BHs changed decor, esp MASTER BEDROOM decor. Something masculine, something ALK.

Oh, and something masculine somewhere else in the home, prominently displayed. Set of drums where the formal LR couch used to be. Tropical fish tank where a dining room hutch might have been. That sort of thing.

VERY powerful optics that say "I'm doing just fine, and I've BEGUN the process of moving on.

Starsky

I bought all new speakers for the tv room. Man that gift of the WAW just keeps on giving. The sweet sound of 7.2 open baffle speakers. Never would have been able to purchase them without debates .... meanwhile 2 new pairs of shoes and a hand bag were always arriving....

For the record. I took every picture down and made the house look like I was selling it. Put up paintings and art. And I really enjoyed it as well.

[chatterbug]

I'm not trying to get sympathy here, and I realize this post flies in The face of so many of my previous posts... But I just need to vent or something.

Nah it was obvious. Been there. Done the months with no contact.

She will drop a crumb some time on the weekend. You will see. The secret here is to not pick it up. But reflect the crumb.

You will also see her act like she is in control. The first second she does. You put her in her place. She is a roommate who skipped on rent and used you as a storage facility.

Get past those two parts of the conversation and your self confidence towards her will grow.

See this is not test of her with you and facts and all that.

This is a test for yourself to see how far you have grown in self confidence in yourself.

And yea when she leaves you will be Whisky Tango Foxtrot.

That is natural. So have a few beers afterwards and unwind. Do some P.U.I. Posting under the Influence.

Good for the soul and next morning you can reread what you wrote. Feel shame. Then laugh it off and carry on.

[Denver_2010]

And yea when she leaves you will be Whisky Tango Foxtrot.

That is natural. So have a few beers afterwards and unwind. Do some P.U.I. Posting under the Influence.

Good for the soul and next morning you can reread what you wrote. Feel shame. Then laugh it off and carry on.

LOL!!!