My Most Important Week Yet

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Chatter. Those are seriously words to live by. I've been thinking a lot about these issues, especially over the last month or two.

I've spent a lot of time focusing on POTENTIAL... the POTENTIAL I see in the R, the POTENTIAL I see in my W, and the POTENTIAL I see in our future together.

For a long time, I ignored the POTENTIAL within myself. Well I'll be damned that in just a few short months, some of that POTENTIAL has manifested in reality! I now have hope in my future, no matter how this R turns out.

Now, all that being said, I can't live my life on POTENTIAL alone. I'm not going to give up on my W and I'm not going to give up on my M. However, I'm also not going to put so much stock into the POTENTIAL anymore.

I need to see solid progress from W toward the potential I see in her. I need to see progress from W toward the potential I see in our R. I can't and won't be the sole care-taker of our M. I have no issues with putting in 50% of the effort... Hell I have no issues with putting in 60% of the effort, but putting in 100% isn't going to cut it.

It's not fair to me, and in all honesty, it's not fair to her either.

I have to look at it this way: If she's not willing to work on the M, then that [censored], but it's not the end of the world. We BOTH deserve to be in a relationship which we BOTH want to fight for. Sure I've been doing all the fighting lately, but I don't believe there's no fight in her. That could change... I could realize that she's never going to want to come back to the M, and I'm learning that is not the end of the world.

I married her because I thought we'd both be happy for the rest of our lives. At this point, neither of us are. I don't want to be an anchor to her happiness, no matter how much unrealized potential exists between us. I can't force her to see herself through my eyes. I can't make her believe the things I see in her. And I can't let myself get bent out of shape because of that. I've tried my hardest, I'll continue to try my hardest, but I won't let myself suffer for things I can't change.

My life will be what I make of it. If nothing else, I'll learn my lessons in this painful way, but I'll move on and be better for it if she doesn't want to be a part of what we started anymore.

I keep getting reminded of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fmGXJGnKlk

And on a side note Chatter: Reading through some of your old posts makes me smile, as we have very similar musical tastes. I love me some Arcade Fire!

Catching up here, but saw that you guys are fans of Arcade Fire!! Me too! Love that band! One of my favs.