Hey AT- I am with bug on this one. I am surprised you've kept the pictures up. Taking down the pics is one of the first things I did when W moved out. It wasn't because I didn't care about her, it was just too painful to look at them. When W moved into her apartment she hung a couple pictures of us and she made sure to point out to me, that was almost 5 months ago. I haven’t looked since but I am sure she removed them months ago.
Yeah, I'm with bug as well. You don't really want her to see that side of you. Too bad you can't replace them with pictures of you GAL.
Good luck tomorrow mate. My thoughts will be with you.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks for the input guys. I have to say I agree with Chatter here... In all honestly, I hardly even notice them anymore, aside from the gigantic one of our first dance...
But taking them down just seems kinda silly at this point. I'll be taking them down in a month or so when I move out of this place anyway, and I doubt I'll be hanging them up in my new place anyway.
I had a very busy day at work today, so I was able to keep my mind off tomorrow pretty well. Now, I'm going to take off a couple hours early so I can do some grocery shopping, get a haircut, and maybe buy some clothes before I go home to watch football and clean the rest of the house...
I will have to remember to put away the "Self-Help" books (DR included), but I'm leaving the pictures up. Seems so silly to take them down tonight just to prove some point that I'll be proving via my actions and words anyway.
Fluff, decorations...women notice those things, especially as she probably planned the decor and where things hung. My apologies if I'm wrong. It will be noticed if they are not there. She may not mention it but she will notice.
Not saying it's a game changer in the whole scheme of things but to me it would send a "hmmm he's moving on" message. Still hanging
Just my .02 as a woman.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
labug, I definitely value your opinion... and I can definitely understand what you're saying. It's definitely giving me something to think about. I guess the tough part is trying to balance out the message I'm trying to portray...
I've lived with these up for the last four months. They don't bother me. In fact, the once-in-a-while that I notice them, they remind me of what I'm fighting for...
But maybe I should have taken them down months ago...
Thanks Chatter. Those are seriously words to live by. I've been thinking a lot about these issues, especially over the last month or two.
I've spent a lot of time focusing on POTENTIAL... the POTENTIAL I see in the R, the POTENTIAL I see in my W, and the POTENTIAL I see in our future together.
For a long time, I ignored the POTENTIAL within myself. Well I'll be damned that in just a few short months, some of that POTENTIAL has manifested in reality! I now have hope in my future, no matter how this R turns out.
Now, all that being said, I can't live my life on POTENTIAL alone. I'm not going to give up on my W and I'm not going to give up on my M. However, I'm also not going to put so much stock into the POTENTIAL anymore.
I need to see solid progress from W toward the potential I see in her. I need to see progress from W toward the potential I see in our R. I can't and won't be the sole care-taker of our M. I have no issues with putting in 50% of the effort... Hell I have no issues with putting in 60% of the effort, but putting in 100% isn't going to cut it.
It's not fair to me, and in all honesty, it's not fair to her either.
I have to look at it this way: If she's not willing to work on the M, then that [censored], but it's not the end of the world. We BOTH deserve to be in a relationship which we BOTH want to fight for. Sure I've been doing all the fighting lately, but I don't believe there's no fight in her. That could change... I could realize that she's never going to want to come back to the M, and I'm learning that is not the end of the world.
I married her because I thought we'd both be happy for the rest of our lives. At this point, neither of us are. I don't want to be an anchor to her happiness, no matter how much unrealized potential exists between us. I can't force her to see herself through my eyes. I can't make her believe the things I see in her. And I can't let myself get bent out of shape because of that. I've tried my hardest, I'll continue to try my hardest, but I won't let myself suffer for things I can't change.
My life will be what I make of it. If nothing else, I'll learn my lessons in this painful way, but I'll move on and be better for it if she doesn't want to be a part of what we started anymore.
And on a side note Chatter: Reading through some of your old posts makes me smile, as we have very similar musical tastes. I love me some Arcade Fire!
Catching up here, but saw that you guys are fans of Arcade Fire!! Me too! Love that band! One of my favs.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
New development: W called me and said the plans have changed again... Now, her friend will be coming tomorrow too... At around 8 pm, just about an hour after I normally get home from work.
W could sense I was perturbed by this and asked of that was okay. I responded that I'd prefer if we got some time to talk alone, and she said that her friend will stay upstairs while we talk... Not ideal at all.
I got off the phone, as I was upset and didn't want to let my emotions come out... Then texted that I would appreciate it if she could ask her friend to come down Saturday morning instead...
The only reason I said to keep them up was because you will obsess over them all evening. When you should be working out or something so you can sleep tonight.
Taking them down with nothing to replace is silly.
If it is a picture on an end table. Then yea remove it.
If its just 2 or 3 pictures on a wall in a hallway then no big deal....
See this is why I say what changed....
You are making mountains out of ....
Your message should be.
Get your stuff outta here in a calm , polite and respectful way.
Toss in a dash of Workout , fluff conversations about nothing....
You know when you see her she is going to look good..... or tired....
It is always the way...
So right then you drop in a thought of this woman is cheating on me and will make decisions that affect my well-being without my input or consent.
Then say.
"Hi."
After that get to work and get her stuff moved out.
Do not be all super smiley man either.... That is just creepy looking.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
