Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Accuray]

Follow your instinct and meet with the councilor present. You need someone to keep emotions down. I also suggest you make some rules before you start talking. Examples might be:

1) Let's agree on what we'll discuss up-front and stick to that list.

2) It gets hard for us to communicate if we get emotional. Let's agree that if either of us are getting emotional, we will table the topic and come back to it when both of us are ready, but within 24 hours at most.

3) Let's agree to be honest with each other versus trying to protect each other from the truth, but let's not divulge anything just to be hurtful.

4) Let's agree to use respectful language -- we're both here because we want things to be better between us.

Start it off right. If you see the discussion turning into an argument or following familiar patterns, you can step back and comment on the pattern instead of the topic. i.e. "We're doing that thing again where you [X] and I [Y] and our communication breaks down, how can we break that pattern?"

I agree with everyone else -- no point in trying to avoid or postpone.

Accuray