I have been in a "state of emergency" today. I have been crying, am exhausted and emotionally spent. Most of this is my own doing and I know that. Is this one of the stages of piecing...I don't know, what do you think?

I wouldn't normally do this but I need an outside objective opinion of things. I have blinders on and to be honest, I'm TIRED of analyzing (or trying to ) myself and my M.

This is an IM conversation between H and I. We do not normally use IM to converse like this and at the beginning of the IM you will note that I told H it might be best if we not have this conversation on IM...it happened anyway (I know...bad DB) and perhaps for the best?

zoofemme: I am having some problems...when it is convenient for you I would like to discuss them with you
combat_grunt: now really that busy right now
zoofemme: i dont think IM is the right place for them
zoofemme: to much chance for misinterpretation
combat_grunt: ok
zoofemme: I have SOOOO appreciated the way you have been knocking yourself out around here
combat_grunt: thank you
zoofemme: it is nice to see you interested in the house and everything
zoofemme: I think you are thinking I am wierding out on you again
combat_grunt: no more than usual
zoofemme: i don't think i like that statement
combat_grunt: well, you go through phases of this
zoofemme: I do?
combat_grunt: yes you do
combat_grunt: you have been in one about 3 weeks now
zoofemme: I disaapoint you when that happens
combat_grunt: it gets aggrivating
zoofemme: I am afraid
combat_grunt: about what
zoofemme: half the time I don't know
combat_grunt: that is obvious
zoofemme: and other times I just feel like i am screwing everything up and probably driving you away
combat_grunt: well hon, it does drive me away to some extent
zoofemme: i am afraid that you have changed your mind about us again
combat_grunt: i haven't changed my mind
combat_grunt: but when you start this stuff, i do start to wonder
zoofemme: i blame myself for failing somewhere along the line
combat_grunt: you haven't failed anywhere
zoofemme: our dynamic changed...i can only think that it is due to my not doing what was working
zoofemme: i have been trying to figure that part out...and haven't been doing a productive job of it
combat_grunt: you worry about this [censored] too much
zoofemme: yes, I do
zoofemme: I want things to just keep getting better and better
zoofemme: I enjoy my life with you and I want it to be the best thing either one of us has ever done/experienced
combat_grunt: well, it is
combat_grunt: brb

I get a hint of something postive coming from this but i am not sure...that could just be because i am worn out. I went back and read my old threads...I don't know that I would recommend that to everyone, at least not if they are in the same frame of mind that i have been lately. I have experienced every emotion in the book from that re-visit.

Any and all comments, advice and 2x4 would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Zoo

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." - Mahatma Gandhi