Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Arsene]

Hey Rough,

I take it you think this is going to be the D talk, right? Well, I hate to tell you this but there is no way to avoid it if that is what it is. Just figure out the best time for you and let her know. Keep your cool. Whether it's to talk about divorce or whatever else (it could be about money and how you haven't gotten a bonus yet), nothing's going to happen next week and you still have time.

I'd say that if you fear it's the D talk, try to get as much info as possible about the laws in your part of the country. Figure out what your options are and how you can stall it, if you think you might want to do that (I'm not suggesting you do btw).

Bottom line, it wouldn't be the first time a WAS talks about filing for D and frankly, no matter how much they talk about it, not all of them actually go through it.

When I got my talk, I started by telling her I didn't want a divorce and said something along the lines of the "Denver Reply", which i copied below:


"I've told you before that I still love u and still think that we an have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I have not changed my mind on that. But I understand that you are not happy, that u don't feel happy or complete inside. U need to do what will make u happy. By my side, we can be partners and will share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team. but I won't stand in your way, but also won't help u leave this marriage or our family. I hope that u do find happiness u r looking for. go do what u need to do. You know where I will be."

In the end, when she insisted that we would never get back together, I simply told her I'd think about it and left it at that. She never actually came back to me about it other than in passing, offering it to "help me cope with this more easily".

And then, there is the other possibility, that she might actually go through with it. So what? First of all, it takes time and anything can happen in the meantime. It wouldn't be the first time someone file for divorce and just doesn't follow through til the end. And if she did? Well there's always the road that MrsD is taking right now if it's the way you feel about it.

Bottom line, mate. You are now thinking about the worst case scenario and it might not be that at all. Let it be, get ready for the worst and just relax knowing that there is not much else you can do. If it's what she wants, she'll get it in the end an then you'll have a reason to worry.

Don't take me wrong, as I'm writing these words, I can feel for you mate and I know how I'd be if I was in your shoes right now. Just be strong and stick with it mate.