MrBond, I have read DR but as you've even said, we aren't married and there is no true commitment. I've decided to give it until the end of October and see if there are improvements. If there are zero improvements, or I don't think the improvements warrant continued effort, I'm going to end the R if she hasn't already. If I believe the improvements are going where I want the R to go I might give it more time.
Everybody here is right, I'm trying to implement DB when there was no marriage and no threat of D. My sitch is odd to be sure and I appreciate everybodies feedback.
I plan on reading those books for my own benefit and *possibly* using those strategies in the current R. Even DR says to GAL and read self-help books. If this R end then hopefully I'll be better equipped for future R's having read those books. A better understading of love languages and alpha/beta balance can't hurt.
sandi2, ugh, for "more of the same behavior" that I've done in this R. I thought I had worked on things and I had gotten marignally better but as soon as things got rough I reverted to my old ways. One more reason I want to keep re-reading DR, my other R books, and these new ones 5LL and MMSLP.
AnotherStander, right, I know she's engaging in bad behavior but after thinking, re-reading, and thinking more I realized that what I was doing - arguing, fighting, yelling, and trying to force her to change - wasn't going to work, I have to just change myself, get back to where I was a few months ago, and I'll be doing what's best for me and *possibly* get her to change.
I don't think I have a clear understanding of alpha behavior. I think in my mixed-up mind that when I'm acting the a-hole I'm being alpha, but even if there's something alpha in that it's not the positive kind of alpha people are talking about, hence, wanting to read MMSLP.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
