Going home

[unbidden]

I would text her just because honoring the day is really the right thing to do.

[LITB]

I agree with unbidden.

I think if you can text her something simple without having any expectations, it would be fine.

[bustingout]

I agree. A simple text is good.

Hmmm. My WASs bday is in two weeks. Does this mean our S's are both Libra's?? Oh sister NG...another connection between us :-)

[needgrace]

Thank you unbidden, LITB and busting for the support and advice.

Today is my STBXW's birthday and I will send her a simple text wishing her a fun birthday.

I woke up feeling on edge but that feeling has shifted. I feel sad but peaceful now..

I am at peace with me right now. I feel proud of myself for what I have done in this past year to respect myself, my STBXW and our M.

I am at peace with where I am at. I am so much more confident that I can handle whatever life brings to me.

I feel more at peace with who I am. I feel deserving of love, from myself and others.

What I have learned... I knew it rationally but not emotionally.. is that the more I love myself, the more I can love others.

Months back, I had bought concert tickets to see Garbage, which is one of our favorite bands to see live. I bought the tickets in the hope that things would have changed and we would go together for her birthday. I knew it was a long-shot but I went ahead...

I feel as if this has been a turning point... in that I was able to have hope without expectations. I was able to go to the concert this week and have an amazing time without her.

It does not mean that I do not love her, it just means that I am okay no matter what.

[keep_going]

Yes, yes, yes!!! This is amazing.

I am so happy for you! Time (and personal growth) does help heal, doesn't it?

Now, houw about celebrating YOURSELF today?!?!
(((NG)))

[needgrace]

Thank you KG!

I really like your idea to celebrate me today. I work late tonight but will find some way to do so! Thank you for the idea KG!

After I posted I did a meditation. My new guru is Tara Brach and she has some wonderful audio/video talks and meditations on her website. Anyhow, this meditation got me in touch with my feelings about a situation (guess which one came up?) and then took it further into how I felt about myself and what I could give to myself...

The image that came up for me was a hole in the center of my being that I have been frantically trying to pack things and people into to fill... and in the meditation, I was able to empty it and fill it myself with self love and acceptance..

Perhaps I already have celebrated myself today...

[labug]

Love Tara. Great insight. You deserve to be loved.

[keep_going]

I'll have to check her out! I keep hearing so many good things from you guys and I want to be more disciplined and practice meditation daily!

Thanks for sharing NG!

[Tumbling]

Wow NG, you sound totally in THE ZONE.
I especially liked "we are on our way home to ourselves" that's my destination too.
Keep doing whatever you're doing and I'm sure you will be home soon
Tumbling

[needgrace]

Thanks, bug, you do too.

KG, she has a book too that I really like called Radical Acceptance. I listen to the audio talks on her website or Pema while I am driving or cleaning.. really helps me.

Thank you for the encouragement, it is definitely a work in progress, Tumbling. That quote was inspired by this quote of tara brach's that I posted on my last thread:

"The Latin root of the word desire, “desidus,” means “away from a star.” The way I interpret this is that stars are the energetic source of all life and an expression of pure awareness. This aliveness and wakefulness is what we long for most deeply-we long to belong to our star, to realize our own true nature. Yet because our desires habitually narrow and fixate on what by nature passes away, we feel “away from our star,” away from the life, awareness and love that is the essence of who we are. Feeling apart from the source of our being, we identify ourselves with our wants and with the ways that we try to satisfy them." Tara Brach

I will have to catch up on your sitch. I loved your sense of humor in the post on Busting's thread.

Well, I sent my text wishing W a wonderful birthday and received a thank you reply. I can't help but think it is so strange for all those years together to come to this, but it is not the end of the story and I am not the only author.