T, Thanks for the tidbit. A friend of mine said the exact same things when he was "running away". Sometimes the anxiety/depression make them feeling like they are choking or are going to die. They have this need to run in order to save themselves.
I'm glad she's sharing this w/you so that you have a better understanding of what is going through her mind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly, counting my blessings that W is aware and accepts (now) that she is in mlc, and is more watchful of her moods, thoughts, etc. as she works through it.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I love reading your updates. You sound like you are in a good place as these holidays are about to come rolling by.
The quote from W's email was powerful. I'd like to have much more compassion for my H. It's so hard to get my own hurt out of the way to be able to do that!
My S19 loves sound/music also. I'm really proud of him. He got a 93 on his first big calculus exam this week.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thank you! Over all, I'm in a good place...though some days not, like today...just tired of it all...but as I've learned...this will/can change/pass, so I just feel it and don't put much on it.
I am kind of afraid today, knowing how W is this time of year before mlc with SAD, depression, etc, and then throw in the current state of things, I don't know...but I got through last year when the cheating alien venom spew monster was living in her body, so here's hoping it doesn't return, and hoping she doesn't take another dive into full-on replay stage.
Congrats to S and his clac exam!!! Homeschooling DOES work, and YOU should be proud of what you and he have accomplished!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hi T! *hugs* Sorry you are having one of those days, this too shall pass, there will be brighter days. Just remember you are awesome!!! Also don't worry about tomorrow, it will worry about its self ( I know I need to take my own advice!)
Have a fabulous weekend my friend you deserve it!!!
Oldest S moved out into a place with his friends, W is taking this hard and add in the cold and cloudy snap and that her SAD is likely to come (and yes, she is projecting it into a mountain)she has been depressed and into a withdrawn state. Some HPD leaking out, but not too badly. All this I expected (one of the okay things to expect I reckon), therefore no surprise and I let it flow over me and behind me.
Myself, S moving out makes me proud and that I have completed a "job" (raising a self-sufficient person to adulthood), but I am a bit down as well...the emptying room, the lack of a gaggle of young adults at all hours of the day/night...I am surprised I find myself bothered by the quiet I was so waiting for...
I do miss him, we are close, I am bittersweet...but time to let him go. I guess I have had some practice at that "letting go" thingy the past year.
I went through another round of looking at my repressed feelings regarding W and her actions from the past few years, in no particular order:
-anger -betrayal -frustration -wanting to quit -emasculation -revenge, teach her a lesson tempation -manipulate to affect the outcome temptation
I wonder sometimes if I don't empathize too much with everyone's stories here at certain times and get affected, or maybe not, idk...But, I need to purge these emotions from my system regardless, I want to be free from them, so I let them arise and feel through them as much, or as little, as they present themselves to be dealt with.
One thing I did notice is that a lot of "fear" was absent...fear of her leaving/me kicking her out, being alone, being a single parent, being undesirable, etc...this is a nice bit of growth for me, no resurgent feelings there to deal with.
W has me printing up her EFT scripts, so I am getting an inadvertent(?) look into her mental state based on what she sends me to print out. And well, its kinda in the spin cycle atm, but she is trying and making those 2 steps forward for every 1 step back...but it is so slow...I love the new thread by TVS with watching grass grow in the title, yet another classic by the posters here...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I had gone "dim" during the above, so wasn't doing my usual "Hi, wanna check-in?" after coming home from work...so when I did do it yesterday, she thanked me, said it was nice and that she missed it (or something to that effect).
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T, What a week that you have had! Your son has moved out, but he's not that far away and the relationship will take on a new spin from being that "little boy" at home to a grown man. I think you both will enjoy the "new" interactions as they come along.
Your son's moving out may send your w into a little bit of a tailspin, but she's far enough along to be stronger and weather the storm. She's recognizing things about herself and that's good. She's progressing nicely and yes, slowly, but that's the way you want her to finish up her crisis. You do not want her to miss one step and go through this again.
So, what are you going to do w/your son's vacant bedroom? An office, craft room or something else?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just remember you are awesome!!! Also don't worry about tomorrow, it will worry about its self ( I know I need to take my own advice!)
