Hi all. I'm in denial that my marriage is over, it's like I don't see any hope but I can't believe it.
There is always hope. There are a lot of success stories on these forums that were preceded by some very dark times. It's not easy and it takes a lot of time and there are no guarantees of reconciliation, but you're very early in the process and there's no reason to give up hope at this point.
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And it's been 2 months since H told me he wanted to end this, said he didn't love me anymore and he cheated. And I cried, begged, promised to change. I didn't do a good job.
That's OK. Nearly every one of us did the same crying/ begging/ pleading before discovering DB. Just focus on the future. Develop your list of 180s and stick with them. Work on yourself. Make yourself more attractive and appealing. Get a life. Work on a positive mental attitude. It's very difficult at first, but stick with it and it gets easier. It's tougher for your H to see your changes when you're apart like that, but stick with it. If you see him now and then he'll notice the difference.
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I feel like I pushed him so far away that I don't know if anything else would save our marriage. And I feel like such a bad wife.
You might want to read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough too. It was very helpful for me early on because like you, I blamed myself for everything that was wrong. That book helped me to realize that while I contributed to the marital problems, I was the one trying to save the M and my W was the one that totally gave up without putting any effort into it at all. I was the victim, and you are too. Reading that book helped put me on the path to healing.
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I hope I could get some advices from here...you are all so strong in this saving marriage thing, this is really so hard.
I think we all are pretty weak when we find ourselves signing up here. This place isn't just about healing marriages, it's about healing individuals. The purpose of DB'ing is to heal the individual and build them into a stronger, more confident, more attractive person. Hopefully that'll attract the wayward spouse back, but even if it doesn't the person is better equipped to move on in life without them.
