Today was bad. Saw H at the store in town. I wondered before about him having another cell phone and I swear I think he was buying minutes for one. He of course was all huffy and nasty and acted like I am just insane to wonder what he is doing. I didn't say anything but really I think he was acting sneaky. I don't know. I really am wearing down and this is just getting to be too much. I really don't know if I can put myself through all of this. I think I need to completely cut off all contact if possible and then once I finish school get the hell outta dodge. I don't know what else to do. I am in too much pain. This forum makes it worse in many ways. Reading all of these stories of cheating and disregard just breaks my heart. It also makes me question things that maybe I shouldn't. I am certain it is a mid life crisis he is going through. There is nothing I can do. I just find it hard to keep opening myself up for all this pain. Regardless of what anyone here says about detaching the fact of the matter is that this hurts even when you are fairly detached. I've done it all before. It's no easier now. Not at all. If anything it is even harder. I think because I have stuck it out and took it all once before. I guess I was stupid enough to think I would never have to go through it again. Surely he wouldn't do this to us again. You know? But he has. And doesn't seem to care that we are all so hurt. That's really it I think. He doesn't even care. So whatever. I'm not sure I can keep doing this. I'm not sure I can keep getting kicked in the gut every time I see him. If I have learned anything the last few weeks in a nutshell it is only that I know nothing.
