I think the best way to detach is to ask him to leave, its the only way I can take back control of my life which is the ultimate detachment in my opinion. But being the once WAS, I worry to him it'll just be more of the same behaviour and push him closer to OW.
I'd say that's a very real danger. I get the impression from your OP that the reason your H left is specifically because you were detached while you were in the WAS phase. Didn't he say something like he was tired of waiting and that's why he sought the OW? I have a feeling that if you kick him out he'll be gone for good, so don't do it unless you're willing to accept that. DBing calls for "acting as if" everything is fine even when it isn't, of always maintaining a PMA. This can be done with or without your spouse in the house. But it's easier to show your spouse 180s and PMA when they're under the same roof. But you're right, it is easier to detach (or at least it was for me) after they've left.
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retreating to "my" bedroom (so this is a DB tactic correct?)
A lot of people think detaching is about growing cold and ignoring and shutting their spouse out. That's not it at all, it's focusing on yourself instead of your spouse and giving them the space they're asking for. But it's also being compassionate towards them, listening to them when they want to talk, being available when they want you there. Now going dark is another matter, but going dark is a last resort when all else fails and shouldn't be used until DBing has been tried for months.
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But yet he will come in and say goodnight. Or he will ask me where I was when I was out. But then I think I'm just reading too much into it.
Well you don't want to read much into it for sure, but it sounds like he wants to talk. How are you reacting, are you talking to him or brushing him off?
