Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[25yearsmlc]

Hey 25! I wouldn't be a free agent for long if I got into a committed relationship. Yes, that could easily happen for me but I haven’t put much thought into it. I would probably start dating if I got divorced but that's not my focus right now.

I was merely quoting YOU when you said your "reasoning" was that you "would not be a free agent for long" if there was a divorce. Period. Just asking what that meant.


The point your trying to make is there's no rush, it's a time to heel, not make the same mistakes all over again and to understand who you are and what you want? Allow more time to go by after divorce before getting into a relationship, right?

correct^^^

I believe your saying that most people can’t make improvements and they will be in the same boat all over again.


NO I am not saying that^^. I am saying most people who rush into a new R, have 1) not done the personal work that enables them to have assessed THEIR role in the demise of their m

AND 2) made the necessary changes in how they behave,

to have a successful r. That's why the divorce rate for 2nd m's is so high, imo. It's 80%.

That's more than half again what the divorce rate is for first m's and that's high enough as it is, don't you think?


Who’s to say it’s a bad idea to be in a relationship after a divorce?


no one said that.


Does this mean everyone is considered to have co-dependency issues if they don’t live there life solo for a set period of time? I am not trying to be a d!ck, just trying to understand your logic, thanks.

You're arguing points not in debate.

Is this clearer to you now? All I wanted to know was why YOU said you'd want to "not be a free agent for long" b/c that sounds rushed for someone who is supposedly working to save their m, at this time...

So yes that sounds lonely and needy and NOT as if you are looking inward.


B/C if you were, you'd be saying something like either

1) "wow, I am so hurt. I need time to process what the hell happened and if I played a role in it somehow. IF I did not do anything wrong, truly then I really have to wonder about my choices in women...and what I'll look for next time"

AND OR

2) "Wow, I played a role in my divorce. What do I wish I could change? How will I be different in the next r? Who do I want to become?

How can I help myself to heal in the time it takes for me to make those changes?"

I don't get that type of thought process from you.

I get that you want her to hurry up, & you want to "just fix it all"--

or end it b/c you'd like to be with someone else then...anyone else...just someone...

tell me, what am I missing?