Well, you all make very valid points and I thank you for them I'll try to address the various one later but right now I need to get something down before i totally forget it.

H had drill this weekend so I pretty much spent a great deal of it alone (he slept both nights when he got home lol)

Me spending TOO much time alone is seldom a good thing...the old brain gears start whirring and i go into hyper-analytical mode, this benefits some folks but rarely my own sitch

I kept taking tentative runs at H with my analysis, TG he was too tired to really pay attention to me or I could have a mess on my hands right now.

Interesting things happened last night when he woke up though.

We were sitting on the couch and H suddenly grabs me and says " Ya know, ILY more than anything hon and I'm sorry for being mean and pissy." I said thank you and then I told him "I try to tell myself that it usually isn't me that you are pissed at but something else" and he said that was right. I also said " sometimes though I can't help but feel that it IS me that you are upset with and then I don't know what to do". H said he realized that and apologized again.

later on we were laying in bed watching a DVD and a scene came up concerning unconditional love. H looks at me and says "You know, we are like that." I asked him what he meant. He said " well, you and I dated all that time and I went and married someone else. Then we got back to gether and all that other crap happened. You still loved me through all of it though. I've never had that type of unconditional love before, except from my parents maybe." I told him that he was the only man I had ever felt that way about myself.

Now this is the part where things COULD have gone wrong but they didn't. I asked H if being loved like that made him uncomfortable or uneasy. He said not at all, that he appreciated it and it made him feel really good. I asked him if he felt that he loved me unconditionally as well. He said " Yes I do, although I think I could probably do better. I know I get moody and all that and it is hard to tell at those times but I do love you in the same way."

I told him that we were just like other folks in regard to his moods...you tend to take things out on the one closest to you. He saidd that was true, but it still wasn't fair to me when it happened. I laughed and told him he was right, particularly since it was rather difficult for me to just get away when he was like that. He laughed at that and we settled in and snuggled the rest of the night.

I really appreciated H for telling me these things. I know it isn't easy for him to talk about emotional issues and I have been kinda pushing lately in regard to this. Not a constant onslaught but I have been directing my questions specifically toward his "emotional feelings" vs his "thoughts". Not necessarily the wisest thing for me to do but you can't hang in limbo for the next 40 years either

hugz,
Zoo

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." - Mahatma Gandhi