I wish I would have found this forum before now. I am a h and my w has filed for D, and I was served last week. I don't know where to start, but I can say that I have done everything wrong up to this point. We have been married for almost nine years, and we separated 5 weeks ago. Our marriage was never the best, and most (80%) was on me. There were many symptoms of this, but the main cause of the unhappiness was the fact that I didn't love and cherish her like I promised. It all came to a head around 8/22. We decided to do this, so I moved into my parents (I know!!!). She immediately went to an attorney, and filed. The hearing that I have to go to is a temporary hearing for child support. We have two D. I don't want this, and I have been trying to convince her that this isn't the right move. After much research, I have found this to be the worst thing I could have done. I have bought the book on Amazon, and it should arrive in a week. I didn't want to bombard you with information, but I will answer any question you may have. I am just looking for some help.
Welcome and sorry you find yourself here. While the book arrives read the 37 rules at the top of the newcomers thread. You say 80% was you? What did/didn't do? How old are you guys? Are u in counseling? post often as you are in moderation at 1st
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Believe none of what she says and half of what she does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
It all came to a head around 8/22. We decided to do this, so I moved into my parents (I know!!!). She immediately went to an attorney, and filed.
Why did she file so quickly? Is she engaged in an affair? Usually when someone moves that fast there's a reason for it. How long is the waiting interval in your state before a D can be finalized? Some states have gone to a year which in my opinion is a very wise move because many marriages reconcile in the 6 month to a year range.
Regardless, it's never too late to reconcile. Reconciliations do happen even after D. Get DR, read it and implement the strategies. There's a ton of wisdom in the threads here too, plus there's a lot of hope to be gained from reading the success stories. Good luck!
Welcome to the club, JLH. Sorry to read about your situation but hopefully you'll find help here. Yes, get "Divorce Remedy", it is the single best of about 20 books I have read during the past months. If I had to name one word summarizing what to strive for it would be DETACHMENT. All the best.
We have been at the D point for years. I think she was just tired of the ups and downs. I don't believe she is engaged in an affair. I have the book, and the toughest part is the detachment. As a man, I want so badly to fix things, but I know I can't.
I am 35, and she is 31. I was quite isolated during the marriage. We lived separate lives. My main goal was for she and the kids to leave on the weekends, so I could be alone. We have never truly had a close relationships. We lived like roommates. We were married, but only legally. She worked late twice a week, and I left the house twice a week to be by myself. We are not in counceling. I have suggested, but she will not go. She was willing in the past, but I wasn't then.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
I found the book at the library and read it in one day. The book seems to assume that I am still living at home. Unfortunately I am not. There is a section about my situation, and I am trying that. However, I did invite her to a fall festival this Saturday before reading it. She said she might attend, but I have my doubts.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Hi, Are you talking a DB coach yet? It could make all the difference in saving your marriage. Yes, you may have not responded perfectly, but don't beat yourself up...we do the best we can, and often react emotionally. But your coach will help you come up with a specific plan on how to go forward that is most likely to bring your wife closer and not push her any further way. You can save this relationship and as importantly understand how you got to this point and how to have the relationship you both want. I would look forward to talking to you further.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
