Funny you should mention the 5 love languages. I have taken up reading it with my wife and then discussing our readings. We are not that far along yet but are working on it. But I have previously been made aware of the rheostat versus light switch. The problem is that I can do the chores with her and give her a back massage and she is still not interested. This is not to say that she will not have sex with me, but it seems entirely like she is doing it for me when she does (which is decidedly not as fulfilling). She does get aroused and climax however in the course of things. The issue is that this is a purely physical reaction for her and she claims that she does not feel the emotional involvement that she wants to feel. But to your point, the love bank needs to be filled and perhaps the emotions will come with it.
