if your h is an absolute atheist, he MIGHT be turned off but gosh, I just don't recall that much about theology there.
I THINK we may have prayed about finding our way back to each other but for sure it's not a memory that stands out to me.
We listened to some tough marital histories but from people who were making it work, and said "it's worth it"
and their problems made ours look like peanuts.
But if your h is in some funk and bi=polar deal, then just get there and hope God leads him to getting some help.
Does your h really want his last years to be spent alone? B/C it sounds like that's where his choices would lead him
unless he's under the delusion that some 30 y/o is out there waiting to meet him...(and if there is, she'll want some serious money to go w/that so, I don't think he's realistic).
Or healthy...so I'm sending prayers your way...
Why do you care? A 50 year old can pull down to 30 years old. Money is not always what it is about. What if he can do it?
Haven't been to the boards that much...but this post caught my eye. My H and I did Retrouvaille a year ago, and yes, it has helped us so much that we have decided to volunteer and now we do the registration of couples in our area.
We do have to deal a lot with the same kind of concerns you bring up, unbidden. What 25 says is true - there is no pushing of religion to the attendees. Its just that the core values and beliefs on marriage and family is aligned with the Catholic faith,and there is a priest who presents his own struggles, sort of expanding to how the same problems that cause marital strife can also be seen outside of a marriage. There are some prayers, and a mass at the end which you may opt out of (some couples did in our group).
The tools for communication that are taught by the program are not religious in nature at all. The program really is more about concentrating on yourself and your spouse, looking in and discovering things both about yoursef and the other person.
I urge you to go, in my case my H even said he no longer loved me/didn't love me in the first place, and now we are trying to make a new life and we are in a good place.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Hi, all, thanks so much for the comments. My H did call the registration couple today and talked to the husband and came away much reassured that it wouldn't be too religious. He was also reassured that he wouldn't be forced to recommit to the marriage or risk damnation. The husband said that wouldn't happen, that they respect choices. My H did echo Breakdown's sentiment that the website made it look different than the program really was. So now my H seems excited about going again and he called me right after their talk to tell me all about it. Prays be and amen BTW, my H is super super spiritual generally. He just doesn't respect the hypocrisy etc of many religious institutions.
25, no my H isn't looking for a younger honey and I've raised the issue about him being alone. He just says he wants to do his own thing and not have to be on time for family dinners, for example.
So we are in track to go to the program that starts three weeks from today. I am looking forward to working on myself and spending some time with H.
I want to thank all of you for weighing in and providing reassurance, I dont have much of a support network otherwise. I love and esteem you all.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Just wanted to stop by your thread and see how you are doing. Is this your weekend for Retrouvaille?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
No, next weekend but thanks for stopping by, LITB. So it's about 10 days away. H called today to ask me a business question and I asked him whether we should drive over to Retrouvaille together or separately. He said he thinks that we should take separate cars because afterward he might want to stay in the area and do business development afterwards (on Monday). My heart fell and I am taking it as a bad sign but I know it really doesn't mean anything about any potential reconciliation.
Quick Update -- My H called me today and said he'd been thinking again about the drive over to Retrouvaille and wanted to make sure that I would be OK driving by myself. (I have an almost incapacitating fear of high bridges to the point where I just about pass out, something that makes it very hard for me to drive over-- the last time it happened I had to stop and call the police who had to drive me and my car over the bridge in the same city where Retrouvaille will be held.) I told him that I would be fine since I've been that route many times and there are no high bridges on the way to the hotel. He said that, given that I would be OK, he still wanted to drive over alone because he wasn't sure how he or I would be feeling after the weekend, like one of us might want to get away and drive by ourselves afterwords. I told him that driving separately was totally fine with me and thanked him for the concern. At least he is trying to be considerate . . .
Just be thankful that he's willing to go at all. The fact that he recognizes/remembers your fear of bridges and wanted to check on you to make sure you were good to drive is a bonus.
From what I've heard, it's possible to have some pretty major changes in thought after attending this. If your H is the type of guy that needs to be alone to process his thoughts, it might be good for him to be able to do that on his own.
Again, just be thankful that he's going. That is a huge step. And of course, let us know how it goes. I'm still hopeful that I'll be able to get my H to attend one eventually.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
There are some positive signs. He is being considerate of your fears and he is putting some thought into the weekend. Biggest positive, he is going with you.
Just get there and bust your tail over the weekend. We are here to support you.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
yes we are unbidden. very positive that you are going. happy to hear that. keep us posted. (((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
BTW, my H is super super spiritual generally. He just doesn't respect the hypocrisy etc of many religious institutions.