Major Backslide. After having lunch with my very recently divorced friend, he told me to deal with reality, which is that I'am living separate with my w in our house and that I need to move out and GAL.
DO NOT MOVE OUT!!!! That's bad advice. If you want to save the M then you should force W to make the tough decisions and live with the consequences.
Originally Posted By: nailinthecoffin
I had this conversation with her on the phone last night and regressed back to all the old stuff, I don't deserve this, I'm a good man, I love you, you're making the wrong decision, blah,blah,blah.... I'am a wreck. I don't know how I'm going to recover from this, I feel like it's really over now.
You're driving her away. You're applying pressure on her instead of giving her space. You're reminding her why she wants out.
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I can't for the life of me understand how she can hold onto so much anger and resentment from the past, I feel like she's projecting some other issues onto me that I have nothing to do with.
Welcome to the WAS club. None of us understand it, but that's what DB'ing is all about- control the one thing you can do something about- YOURSELF. Don't try to understand the WAS, they don't even understand their own actions. They are confused and in turmoil inside even if they're acting calm and collected on the outside.
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It is beyond me that she would rather run,break up our family with two young innocent kids and everything we worked for in our lives instead of fighting for what we have and trying to work through our problems. Our problems are textbook stuff. I feel lost...
If your problems are so easily fixed, what have you done to fix them? What 180's are you engaged in? You're not participating in "more of the same" behavior are you?
Originally Posted By: nailinthecoffin
I cried for an hour and wrote down all my thoughts on pieces of paper
Good, it's great to write that out and get it out of your system. Then you burned it, dried your eyes and put on a positive attitude in time for her to get home, right?
Originally Posted By: nailinthecoffin
She came home, saw my face with tears and said, " I can't do this right now, I threw the papers at her and said"read these!.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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She went up to the bedroom to take a shower, I followed her up and said I want to see you read them.
I feel like I'm watching a trainwreck in slow motion.
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She read them , threw them in the garbage and said she couldn't do this right now because she had to get the kids ready for school. I lost it and yelled at her,"Make a decision, either tell me you want out and you want a D, or tell me you want to work on our problems together .
It's like a loaded passenger train barreling down the tracks a thousand miles an hour and the bridge ahead is completely gone.
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She was crying and she said OK, I want out!. I lost it and threw my coffee cup down at the floor and it broke in a million pieces. Then I threw my glasses at the wall.
And it flies off the rails right into the abyss, people screaming their heads off all the way down.
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She was freaked out and was scared of me. I felt bad and tried to console her but she said don't touch me. I said ok, I'm done and went to another room to cry some more.
KABOOM! There's a huge explosion, smoke and fire rising from the abyss.
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Any or all advice much appreciated!
Read DR. Stop doing what you're doing. Be ready for a long haul ahead, it'll take months for you to undo the damage you've done in days. Do 180's on your faults and stick with them. Make them permanent. Show your W a different you- a happy, confident, exhuberant, sexy, good-looking you. Give her space and give her time. Read the DB 180 tips daily, copy them to a file on your computer and read them over and over again to remind yourself what to do and not do. Good luck!
