Last night was good, she picked me up and while there wasn't a lot of conversation (due to her being sick & tired and me being detached) it was easygoing. Getting ready for bed she went into the bathroom, didn't close the door, and changed her shirt. So, I wasn't staring and didn't follow her, but she did allow me to see her topless briefly. Got in bed and laid to my side but she was more in the middle, put her toes on my leg, I just didn't react. Helped with the baby like normal throughout the night and when I woke up once again, she was almost on me even though I was still on the edge of my side of the bed. She got the other kids off to school while I stayed with the baby.
I took the baby downstairs and she got home. She jumped on FB and I left the baby with her to get a shower. After I was out of the shower she came up and asked if she could come in. I told her I wasn't dressed yet but she could come in, it was up to her. She did and grabbed what she needed saying that she had been calling for me but didn't realize I was in the shower. She asked if I could make breakfast and I told her yes because I was already going to make myself some.
BACKSLIDE! I kept looking over at the computer while she was messaging somebody on FB. I realized it was Steve and emotions got the better of me and I just kept looking everytime I walked by. Gave her food and was looking at it. Once I sat down with my food, after one more look as I walked by, she called me out on it.
She asked how many times I was going to try and look rather than just ask her. I told her that I let myself get the better of myself, that I shouldn't have done it and that I was sorry. She said friends make up and while they weren't fully made up they were talking about some banking stuff. She asked if I wanted to read it and I said no. She told me that I had broken trust because of me spying on her and she had purposely left the chat window open and I proved to her that I was still doing the same thing. She said if she was going to cheat on me I wouldn't know it and that I'm making things very difficult. She said next time "that's it." For the most part, I just nodded and admitted that it was wrong of me, I dind't want to say much and give her anymore ammo.
BACK ON TRACK? OR "ACT AS IF"? I avoided a big blow up, yelling, kind of fight so things just went back to a normal morning. She asked me to keep an eye on the baby while she went for clothes for herself and the baby and she left FB open; I kept my ass on the couch until the baby was crying in her walker and then went over and focused solely on the baby, not even looking at the computer in case she walked downstairs. I had to run and put gas in the car and she thanked me for that. I grabbed my stuff to get going for work and she told me that she might go to visit her dad for awhile this evening because they were complaining about not seeing the kids much. I get off at 6pm today and she'll probably be there and not come back home until 9pm or so. I just told her ok. She told me to have a good day and be careful because the roads were still wet and I was taking the motorcycle. I told her to have a good day and just said bye.
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
