I should have added some on where my w is coming from on this whole deal. She does not like the place she is renting, neither does my son. She can't consider buying anything until she is no longer listed on our mortgage. She says age can't get past this(her unhappiness) until she is in a better home. Yes I know it is total bs. Do I ask her if she will put the d on hold if we can find a way to get her name of the mortgage without a d? And then agree to a voluntary child support amount?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
So let her rent another place then! She doesn't need a divorce to rent somewhere else. And you don't have to help her buy another house so she can "get past this".
Don't ask her to put off the D. Don't MENTION the D. If you must, let her know that you'll be contacting a lawyer to see how to get you off the mortgage.
Buy some time and BE PATIENT! Let things sink in a little before reacting...
She is asking me for critical info in regards to filing. Do I tell her I won't help and that she will have to get a lawyer to help her figure it out. I did ask her if we could get her off the mortgage, would she drop the d talk. She said she would consider it. I am at a loss on how to stop this. It seems as if the d is past the point of no return.
One other interesting development, she told me that I am super competitive. I would never in a million years call myself that. How do you 180 that?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Get a L and then the cost of the whole things goes up. You might wait and see if she asks again, but what would your response be if you asked for something that you needed and she wasn't forthcoming?
You can't stop it if this is what she really wants. I'm in the camp that believes it most likely adds fuel to the fire of why they are leaving and it's game-playing.
You don't have to jump when she says jump, gather what she's asking for and get it to her on your timeline.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I completely agree with you about adding fuel to the fire. If she needs to find out that a d is not going to make her any happier, then it may have to happen. By all means I do not want it, and I will not stop DBing and becoming a better person. I am feeling mentally exhausted today. I really think I am starting to understand what a WAS feels like. I will not quit though.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Of course you're exhausted! You react to everything she says and you don't think it out and you don't wait to hear the advice from the board before you act on it. It doesn't help to get advice after you've done the deed. Stop reacting to whatever she says! Don't say anything and don't do anything. If she gets mad.....she gets mad, so what? You act like you're sitting on a hot stove.
You are at the point that you are taking what's crazy and trying to make it sound like DB.
What can you do to get your mind and emotions to just take a rest for a few days? You need it badly. You've got to learn how to do nothing. You panic b/c you think it has to be resolved (whatever it the issue may be at that moment) in a few minutes. And in cases like this....you open you big mouth and tell her something and then find out that was not the best choice.
Find some duct tape and put over your mouth.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The advice on this board is great. Although sometimes I feel like I am talking to politicians, I don't quite understand.
She has started the paperwork and needs my info. How do I say no without adding fuel to the fire. Yeah I could say I won't help and you will have to see a lawyer, but I do not want this to get ugly. I know that she will not be able to afford a house on her own. I also know that I am in no position to tell her that.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I talk to her and see her almost daily. She works in the evenings, she drops the kids off. Typically it is only Monday that I do not see her. Some nights I put them to bed at her place, and sometimes she will come to my house in the morning to get the kids. We do this so the kids do not have to get up at 5:00 a.m. so that I can bring them to her place. We both agree that their sleeping habits stay as consistent as possible.
She asked me for my info on Monday via text and again yesterday when I picked up the kids. She was entering info online yesterday when she asked me.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
