But man I get the impression your Wife says jump and you say how high.
You could masturbate 5 times a day and she couldn't catch you as long as you are discreet. Yet you are worried about her getting upset. It sounds like you may be walking on eggshells here.
It sounds like your wife is very insecure about sex, is she secure about her body? Any sudden weight gain?
It sounds to me that you are very eager to keep her happy so that she wants to have sex. This reeks to me of a stealth contract. You exchanging niceness for sex.
"I'll respect your lack of not wanting sex, in the hopes that you realize how nice I am and want to have sex with me."
I'll tell you from personal experience this just led to less sex for me. My wife felt I only did nice things to get sex. Which felt manipulative which made her want to have sex with me even less.
It's a pretty vicious cycle.
Of course I'm just guessing all this from the information you put in.
I think you should take care of your needs. Especially if your partner refuses to. I think you also need to consider if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who demands you give up all forms of sexual gratification. Is this the life you want?
Now I'm not saying to walk away from the relationship. Far from it. Instead you need to decide what relationship you want and make it clear to your partner that you will not tolerate less.
