You were going to live this last 9 months anyway, might as well have been involved in working to better yourself.
And you have. Maybe you didn't save your marriage but became a better, stronger Ro.
It seems you've already written the final chapter to this in your mind. Let go of that and just roll with this for awhile. Be nice, keep the path home paved and all that but I don't think I'd do the loving phone call everyday. If he needs time away to figure things out, fine but you may or may not be waiting around.
WE can fix our stuff, we can't fix theirs.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ro, he is very confused, that's clear by the ILYs and the things he says. In 9 months he hasn't gotten less confused.
Kicking his bum on the way out the door may make you feel good and strong, and justified, and all that, but that's the old Ro. Hurt him so he can't hurt you more.
Anger is certainly justified and normal, but think about what you want before you react and say whatever comes to mind. Feel your feelings, but don't let them rule your actions and words.
If you can be someone he'd love to come back to, the choice becomes yours. But he's done having his cake and eating it, he needs to go and get some space, and so do you, to figure out whether you belong together. And not in a mean way, but it's true, you may not still be there for him to come back to.
Don't forget how you've changed in this time. Was it a tactic or was it real? (((ro)))
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I definitely got my anger out over the past few days. I did tell him that I didn't want to feel that way because that is the old Ro. But I couldn't help myself. I had to let it out. I probably said some things I shouldn't have.
I feel like I was genuinely trying to save my marriage. Am I hurt that it appears all that was in vain? Yes. Am I discouraged and basically want nothing to do with him right now? Yes. I feel like him walking out on me proves we were not worth the fight. That is probably stemming from my dad leaving us when I was young. Something else I have to work on I guess.
You have a lot of emotions to deal with right now. It is all normal. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to process everything that you are feeling. Once you process your emotions, then things will become more clear for you.
I am confident that you will come to a point in time when you will look back at the efforts and changes you have made in the last 9 months without any regrets.
Hang in there Ro.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You have a lot of emotions to deal with right now. It is all normal. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to process everything that you are feeling. Once you process your emotions, then things will become more clear for you.
I am confident that you will come to a point in time when you will look back at the efforts and changes you have made in the last 9 months without any regrets.
Hang in there Ro.
Thanks LITB! I know its going to take time. I realized last night that I have a really good support system. The immediate family knows now, except for SS, and sides are definitely being drawn. H will be seeing SS today and telling him. H ended up telling my brother last night and he was SO upset. Apparently H told his mother, and she didn't ask any questions. Just said she waste sorry it didn't work out. WHAT? Makes me crazy!
I know I have to move on as if he's never coming back. Trying not to become bitter in the meantime.
the time and space my H got when he moved out seem to have been good for him. i know it's been good for me. i've been able to detach in a way i never thought would be possible. i'm living one day at a time and not afraid of the future anymore.
my H is actively staying in touch with me now. before, i would be the one to initiate or not, and if not, i'd have so much anxiety about what he was going to do...every day, every minute, even.
now he texts me and emails me regularly. his communications with me are always kind and complimentary. i accepted a call from him yesterday (charges on credit cards he wanted to explain) and he was thrilled that i decided to speak to him.
all i can say is, the moment i decided to detach and move on with my life was the moment he decided he didn't want to live without me.
we still have a long way to go, if we R, but at least, i'm not the bad guy anymore and he's appreciating me now.
give this space time and enjoy it. you will be able to see more clearly what you want and need in life to make you happy. your H will, too. that's a good thing.
((()))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
