Just for polite perspective, i was being facetious regarding the AA meetings being a way to GAL.
No problem though, regarding your interpretation.
I sincerely Thank You Very Much for your rigorous candor to hold me accountable. Please feel welcome to continue as time permits.
As far as me still pushing, there have only been isolated incidences since she moved out, but my opinion is very biased regarding my own behavior and the consequential results. Yes, i did return her text on that morning in question. I have not initiated any more than 5% to 10% of the communications since she left. I have for sure gotten caught up in text conversations that she has initiated. I felt that she was reaching out.. Otherwise, i typically do wait to respond. this^^ is confusing to me. So are you initiating only a little but "gotten caught up in text conversations"? And if she reaches out...so what?
Why react so fast? Can't help you....I repeat that for emphasis. IT cannot help you to react fast to her Supposed signals. Take a breath...take things in. Don't grasp.
You are stronger than you know.
During her prolonged periods of not visiting or calling our son, i pretty much went dark until she initiated contact. After she finally got back in touch, requesting to visit our boy, i did send her a batch of photos of him enjoying various activities over the previous two week period of time. I wanted her to see what she was missing out on by not being engaged on his weekly accomplishments and life experiences. I get that^^. But instead, wait for her TO CALL and then be upbeat and positive about what a great time YOU and SON are having...Not a thing about missing her or what she is missing...just how you two are just fine.
No pictures. No calls without her calling and visiting first. I think that is what my DB coach would advise. She said to create a life I wanted with my kids AND to contrast our life here, with whatever crap life h was creating for himself...just by being here, in our HOME, together...versus his life alone or with whomever...
Just my .02
Maybe, in hindsight, i should have left her out of the loop of even informing her of his fun scholastic and extracurricular activities. I honestly did not want to withhold those precious moments from her.
Should i? you are not withholding them. She's missing them. You were pretending she was a part of it. She's not. She knows where you live and how to pick up a phone or see her only child.
Yes, i have been, both put in the position of, and eagerly accepting of, the 100% full time child care provider.
I would not feel comfortable with her having him at this time, for any extended, unsupervised visitations yet.
of course not. No question she's not fit at the moment. Period.
Upon her 1st getting back in touch to request upcoming visits, i stated that i felt that prior to her getting him alone, that we should attend some sort of parenting counseling. She agreed that it sounded like a good idea.
3 days later, she was verbally making comments about plans to pick him up and i reminded her what she had agreed to. Why didn't you make the appointment then? Why wait for her? And why not get a urinalysis as part of the deal that you BOTH agree to, before taking son anywhere?
Til you allege and prove anything about her being unfit, she has the same legal rights you have
and she can pursue getting half custody anytime she wants.
What are you waiting for? I'd hate the knowledge that custody isn't settled in this situation.
Until that occurs, especially since there is no judicial custody agreement, i am sticking to that requirement and if/when she brings it up again, i will ask what counseling arrangements she has sought out. The onus of fulfilling that requirement is on her shoulders. You are missing the point. You have no assurances she won't want custody AND child support...what if she chooses an OM and says "we are a couple now" and that's easier than you being single is...
Protect yourself and your son. Thats my point. Not about her. It's about you and your son.
That MAY get twisted into me denying her access to visitation, but her admitted excessive drinking and previous visitation or even phone call track record seems to warrant this measure.
I don't expect her to follow through.
I don't think so either, but is that guess sufficient for you? Keep records of phone calls and document her promises of coming over vis a vis the text records (not just verbally)
But see a lawyer asap. You are risking the most important r in your life by continuing this craziness and dysfunctionalism.
It's not working. So you have to change course. Make sense? -- Please, no holds barred.
I previously joined the Knights Of Columbus through my Catholic Church, but found it lacking the type of personal fulfillment i was seeking.
It was suggested to me to look for a, Parents Without Partners group. I font know if that would just wind up being a spousal beatch-a-thon gathering or a sublime lonely singles match game. I am not interested in either of those scenarios. I wont know until i try it out though. The closest meeting is about 30-45 minutes away.
I don't have direct experience with Parents w/o Partners so can't comment. I'm Catholic but not in K of C. What is it you ARE looking for? Do you live in the USA? She has not shown up at either this past Saturday mornings or this Monday evenings karate class for our son. I have not contacted her since she visited last week Wednesday. nothing new here^^...same old...
I honestly see a difficult path for me without my son along with. I seriously need more focus on trying to earn some cash and to try to sell my commercial property before i lose that and also my 2-Flat rental unit due to property tax delinquencies. Spend LESS time on HER and what she is doing or not doing. Assume she is gone. Assume she is not returning. So, now what? --
Thank You Very Much for investing your time and effort so far.
Gratefully,
Ed
Good luck Ed. Seriously. This is like a 12 step program in that if you work it, it can work for you.
Does not mean you get your w back BUT you will get YOU back.
We hammer the GAL so much b/c it helps so much. Don't skim it. Are there no hobbies or interests or classes that interest you?
Any group to join is helpful...again, good luck!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
