Needing some guidance... 6

[jks]

I'm not gonna lie... I get super depressed when my kids are gone. I just spent the night walking around outside balling my eyes out and finally sat on a curb for about 30 minutes, balling some more. Someone finally pulled over to see if I needed a ride and if I was ok.

I said, I'm fine, thanks. I'm so emotionally exhausted. I have to see H in the morning and I just want it to go quickly. I still try so hard to be happy and friendly when we exchange kids. The last time he had this big story from work that he wanted to tell me about work and it pretty much took me out of commission for hours afterward. He doesn't realize that the friend thing is torture. And I really don't want to hear about his life because I'm not a part of it anymore. But I just smile and say, cool.

I feel like a tortured soul. Just trying to stay above water and wishing that I could just drown.