What do you mean by "civil"? Are you having meals together or going out together with your young kids? It seems as if you've gotten much colder. Is she still seeing the OM?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
First off, I do not "over" analyze everything you post. I make comments and suggestions which you are free to not follow if you want.
Next, about the issue of forgiveness. I commented based on just what you wrote. And also to me, while forgiveness is a gift your give yourself, but it is also a gift you give the other person. Whether or not they accept it is up to them. As long as forgiveness is given without expectations of their acceptance, then there won't be any resentment.
I've seen many LBS's here who say they "forgive" their spouse but hold alot of resentment towards them. This ultimately shows up in their treatment of their children. Which is why I was asking about your current treatment of each other.
Children pick up alot of the verbal and non-verbal vibes that their parents give off. These insecurities are things they usually keep to themselves because they don't want to rock the boat and cause more problems. With your focus being so much on your W, I was concerned that the kids' emotions are being lost in the shuffle. You can ask them if their okay and they'll say they are, but deep down inside they really aren't. This is why children of divorce usually divorce even though they swear they would never do so.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Also, think about the fact that the kids already really know what's going on deep down inside. My 4-year old (who never saw me fight with her father or witnessed any other overt discord) told me one day out of the blue that "I was going to kick Daddy right out of the house." Startled, I asked why she would say that and she said "because he is angry all the time and you don't kiss him on the lips." So they really do know. Another thing is that I dreaded telling my girls about the divorce and built it up in my mind so much that I could hardly get through it. Of course, by that time, when I actually told them it was much easier than I had anticipated. Just something to keep in mind.
Bond I do respect your opinion and I wanted to apologize for my tone towards you in my last post.
The children have been my main focus through all of this and I try to spend as much quality time with them every day.
I think a lot of what unbidden said is true, just the other day my D9 said to W, 'why don't you ever hug and kiss daddy goodbye in the morning'? So yeah, she knows something's not right and might have already started to connect the dots.
Today we went to the movies as a family and we had fun, we've actually been getting on better my W and I since I told her I wanted a divorce.
Maybe it's the validation she was looking for, or that there is less pressure on the situation. I don't know what it is, but things feel a bit different.
We seem to be a bit more open with each other about future plans and stuff, which is good.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
Bill I did 7 miles yesterday morning. Going to sign up for a few races this week with ladybug. Here is an interesting article for you to go read. Is your wayward spouse a clinger or avoider? Written by Al Turtle who has some very interesting concepts.
I think right now you should keep your expectations to a minimal and keep with the parallel paths.
And keep with the running.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
