I just kind of confused. Was it her lawyer who contacted you? Why are you in such a rush all of a sudden? Just a couple of days back, you were talking how you wouldn't do anything to help a divorce along.
I have this nagging feeling that it's your way of trying to "do something" that will snap her out of the WAW mode and get your M back on track.
Quote:
I feel like it is the right path, just need to ride out the storm, and hope she will start to head my way.
So which is it.....get a D or ride out the storm?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am not really sure how to proceed. I would rather not get lawyers involved based on the financial aspect. I don't want to have to sit down with her and try and do it ourselves, so it seems the best alternative is mediation. I guess I am not sure how to proceed. Is dragging it out for as long as possible the way to go? If she thinks she needs a d to make her happy, isn't me trying to stall it basically persueing?
What to say now that I have agreed to mediation?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Nothing special. I'd just walk along the path she is going now. Otherwise "go climbing". Great to read that you don't feel as much fear as before. I have similar experiences: some situations were I had a certain amount of fear don't trouble me any more. Compared to the separation everything else just pales.
I have put the "go climbing" in quotation marks because it can also be seen figuratively: you confront the mountains in your life - and you find your way no matter what.
Look Eyesopen, I can be a bit blunt sometimes but maybe she wants a divorce, so what!!!! You even mentioned on my thread “It’s just a piece of paper”. You seem to want to win W back with your words, I doubt that will happen. Please review the words you wrote yesterday on page 9 or your thread and tell me if you are coming from a place of anger? I bet you are, I understand ok, it’s because you care.
Believe me, I am no expert but sh!t, my W told me she wanted a divorce a couple months ago and my response was nothing, zero, ziltch, noda…get the drift?
You always need to remember your “end game”. By reading your posts it’s fairly clear that you would like to hand your W a divorce on a silver platter. You also recently posted “Deep down I know what the right play is.” Do you really?
As I just mentioned, I am no expert by any means. It’s because of this hellish and humbling experience that I have opened myself up, allowing others that have gone down this road to teach me, give me the advice and then I implement it. Hang in there buddy, I sincerely wish you nothing but the best.
First off, you're extremely lucky to have the "Vets" you have giving you advice. Especially Sandi2's advice! I'd kill to have a WAW's perspective on my sitch, especially as early in as you are.
From what I can CLEARLY see in your situation... You're EXTREMELY confused.
I get that. Holy Cow do I get that. Read my sitch to see just how deeply confused and upside down I've been over the last few months.
But you need to know this: With how confused you are right now... With how much vacillation you're doing on your situation and how your brain just spins and spins and spins after GALing... you need to RELAX!
Listen to Cadet's very first post about TIME. You've got it here, even if it doesn't seem that way. You need to make sure that you're giving yourself the time you need to digest your situation and figure out the best path to take FOR YOU.
You're getting a TON of great advice. Again, I know what it's like to get great advice, but not want to listen to it because "My situation is different". Hell, everyone on this board knows what that feels like.
But you need to come to grips with some things before you make any life-altering decisions. What is it that YOU need to do to fix YOU?
You talk about going dim, detaching, GALing... All things that are GREAT ideas and I wholeheartedly agree you should be doing... But you haven't given ANY of them enough time to make the changes they'll make in YOU.
You, just like me (and almost everyone else here at some point) seem to be doing these things to win your W back. In fact, you're at the point now that it seems like you're willing to go through with a D to prove a point!
Trust me and the hundreds of other posters here: EVENTUALLY, your GALing, your detaching, and your 180s will, at some point, begin to make a difference in YOU! You CAN'T do these things to prove a point to your W. You can't do these things because you want to show her something. These things only work because they help you discover who YOU are and the person you can become.
As far as confronting your W about the possible OM... Well I'm not sure I'm the one to give you advice on that one. If you read my sitch, you'll realize that I haven't confronted my W on the OM since she left... but that could very well change this weekend when she comes back to pack up the rest of her stuff... But I don't want to hijack your thread with my sitch...
Listen, I don't want to sound too harsh here. You're doing a great job so far, and you're absolutely doing the right thing by taking your thoughts to this board to get the advice of some serious vets. I just wanted to chime in and preach a little patience.
DON'T push for a D until you're sure that you're completely comfortable with her accepting that and it being the end.
I don't think you're there yet. And that's fine. Neither am I.
Remember that time is on your side here. Even if she files on her own, you've got plenty of time to gather your thoughts, contact your lawyer, and figure out what you really want to do. Let HER do all the legwork, unless you've decided that you're fine with ending your M right now.
Stay Strong. Remember to BE PATIENT.
And for God's sake, pay attention to the advice these awesome Vets are giving you! You don't have to follow everything they say, but it behooves you to toss around their ideas in your head for a few days at least.
I appreciate all the great advice, and yes sometimes I feel like a figure skater spinning in a circle.
Rough, by all means I am not angry. In my head I was going for tough love with that previous post. I would say that most of the time I am very happy with myself. Yes I get waves of pain and confusion. But the anger hasn't been around in a long time. I made the choice very early on that I was not going to be angry and bitter. Maybe if I didn't have two children, I might not have handled it that way. So in that regard I have them to thank for starting me on the high road.
As far as the d goes I am at a loss for how to derail it. She is doing it online and has asked me for my info as far as income, debt, health care costs and so on. So I can't just say no you can't have that info.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
