At one time I was angry and felt petty....but I think it was more about how he was treating me more than anything. It was not enough No Contact and feeling like a fresh wound constantly being poked.
YES! That's it exactly. It's one thing to go through this, but quite another to be poked constantly like that, isn't it? Makes you wonder, "why did you leave if you want to keep in contact!?!??" right? Just part of it though...
As for why hide it or throw it into OW face? Another reason might be shame. Why tell the OW you are being hounded? Because it makes you look like the victim. You garner sympathy from a motherly figure.
Going NC helps with that, because it keeps them from having anything other than silence to use against you. Can you see that at this point? It was one of those 'ah-hah' moments for me when I saw that. It continues for a very long time, especially if you have kids together. But silence is golden and they are left to make something up or wonder...just like a LBS was. So you know it by that reference.
Try not to guess why. Just deal with what is before you and let the rest go. There are patterns, but they can't really be seen until much much later.
It is humorous, but the longer you watch and wonder, the more you give them head space. The longer you do that, the longer you protract your own insanity over the puzzle.
As a friend once told me, "I like a good puzzle. But some things I know I just cannot solve."
Be well!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
