If anyone is still on the board I need an opinion.

I decided to make my H a Vday card. I wrote a poem to inscribe it with but I had a seizure last night and am struggling with the form.

Could someone please read this and tell me if it flows ok or if something would be better served moved around? I would really appreciate it


I remember a time when we once walked into the ocean
And surrendered ourselves to its embrace. We were
Oblivious to the coolness of the water, the cries of
People laughing on the beach; even the sound of the surf
Pounding on the rocks faded into the distance although our
Hearts picked up its heavy beat. Our bodies swayed with the
Flow of the tide, coming together then moving apart until
We finally wrapped ourselves around each other and became lost
In what was for us then a seeming inevitability.

Whenever I look into your eyes, eyes the color of that night time
Sea, I am reminded of that moment and once again become aware
Of that sense of surrender, that obliviousness to everything around
Me. I can feel my body sway towards yours while my heart picks
Up the beat of the crashing surf and I become lost to the inevitability
Of loving you.

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." - Mahatma Gandhi