Quote: Sounds like both you and your H have a bad case of not wanting to face up to responsibilities.... guilty of a similar problem in this M here.
I don't deny this one at all. Speaking directly for myself...it isn't so much not wanting to face up to responsibility as it is being worn down and tired of being responsible all of the time. An overblown sense of responsibility is one of the big flaws in myself that I have been trying to change. Acknowleging it doesn't mean much, doing something about it would mean more...unfortunately I just feel like throwing a temper tantrum right now.
My PERCEPTION of H is this...In a work situation he is one of the most responsible people I know, an exemplary leader with all of the trappings and well respected and liked by peers and subordinates alike. Outside of work though it is a different story...it is like he sheds all sense of responsibility when he punches out on the timeclock (if that makes any sense). I get the spoiled little boy who holds his breath until he gets his way Like I said though, that is my perception and it could very well be skewed because I compare it to myself.
I should probably say for the record that H has been getting better at taking responsibility in other areas, especially regarding the house and animals. It is just in regard to money that I get really peeved amd feel particularly at a loss.
Quote: Ignoring a problem will not make it go away!
You are right, it won't. But what to do when it has become a "cheeseless tunnel" ? I have tried to come up with solutions but none have worked. Now I have to do the thing I don't want to do...since H is unwilling to change in regard to this particular problem, that leaves it to me to be the one to change. This means that I will have to suck up the resulting stress and put my foot down. It means that when he starts to hold his breath I just turn away and let him turn blue in the face and pass out (metaphorically). It means I take on the role of adult and "parent". It will feel icky and I will be resentful but I will have to swallow that resentment along with the myriad other things I have choked down.
Not a pretty picture...I have tried to avoid this option like the plague but it seems I have finally worked my way down to it.
Have I mentioned that my DB skills are sucking majorly today?
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Got to get an earlyish night tonight, so no long posts... but you need to try and think of a solution that de-personalises the issue - not his fault, not all your responsibility either.
I know that it was one of the areas of our M that was very problematic - if we got back together, it would be one area to tackle straight away.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
If anyone is still on the board I need an opinion.
I decided to make my H a Vday card. I wrote a poem to inscribe it with but I had a seizure last night and am struggling with the form.
Could someone please read this and tell me if it flows ok or if something would be better served moved around? I would really appreciate it
I remember a time when we once walked into the ocean And surrendered ourselves to its embrace. We were Oblivious to the coolness of the water, the cries of People laughing on the beach; even the sound of the surf Pounding on the rocks faded into the distance although our Hearts picked up its heavy beat. Our bodies swayed with the Flow of the tide, coming together then moving apart until We finally wrapped ourselves around each other and became lost In what was for us then a seeming inevitability.
Whenever I look into your eyes, eyes the color of that night time Sea, I am reminded of that moment and once again become aware Of that sense of surrender, that obliviousness to everything around Me. I can feel my body sway towards yours while my heart picks Up the beat of the crashing surf and I become lost to the inevitability Of loving you.
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Just checked in for the first time in days, looks like you're having a tough day. {{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} What a positive thing to do change your state of mind - I like your poem! I like the way if flows. SOmething about where you placed the line breaks makes the beginning of eacn line resonate, compelling you on. I like the imagery too -
Gotta go put the boys to bed - we're flying to Georgia in the morning and I"ve got to get packing, too. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} Hang in there Zoo!
I want to thank everyone once again for the input on the poem
Valentine Day went very well for us. I didn't get a card or any presents from H although I did get flowers from my parents You would think I might just be disappointed by that wouldn't you ??
NOT!!!!
When I woke up Sat. morning H was looking at me. He said "Happy Valentine Day Baby" and then hugged me hard and kissed me and said ILY. I replied in kind and got up to mmake coffee...when i walked back into the bedroom H was laying there with his eyes closed....AND SNORING!!
I decided to let him sleep since he had been exhausted from the day before. I also decided this was the opportunity for me to figure out how to get that card made!
My card program wasn't compatible with my printer (printer to new) and H had taken off my art program I had to fight with WORD to get my card made so it wasn't as nice as i wanted it to be but that was OK.
During the process of me fighting with WORD I realize that H isn't asleep afterall and he keeps hollering BUSCH race statistics at me and telling me to hurry up and come back to bed ...LOL
I finally got done and walked in and gave H the card...he said "you didn't have to get me a card hon" but then he started reading it and his face lit up and he got this HUGE GRIN!!!! He loved it! He asked if I had written the poem myself and when I told him I had he said "DAMN Hom, that is AWESOME!" He asked me to crawl back in bed then and SHOWED me his APPRECIATION
We had an excellent day together, kinda both doing our own thing but including the other person in the spirit of it
I did almost blow it though at about 4 am Sun. when I mentioned going to my parents to watch the '500. IT seemed that H misunderstood me when i asked him about it Sat. morning and he had NO intention of going to my parents to watch the race. H THOUGHT I had been talking about going there for supper Anyway, when all was said and done i told H that i would call my parents and cancel which is what i did. My ma wasn't real happy about it but she got over it.
We stayed home and watch the race in bed
My sulleness is a bit under better control right now and H appears to be responding well to that. THANk GOd I got my head ou of my butt for a little while anyway
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
OK Zoo no fair. This is the SECOND time today you have affected my emotions. I am so happy for you and hope to be where you are soon! Well at least before it is too late.
Thank you for breaking out the 4x4 on me earlier. I think between you and Sage I had my A$$ effectively handed to me. And THANK you... I will really have to work on those things you mentioned. And I will!
Like I said though, that is my perception and it could very well be skewed because I compare it to myself.
I had to fight with WORD to get my card made so it wasn't as nice as i wanted it to be but that was OK.
