A thought kinda hit me like a lightning bolt when I stepped outside for a quick break this afternoon, and it's something I think I'll be keeping in the back of my mind this entire weekend to keep me on path.
Although it is certainly in my nature to try to fix things, to try to come up with that magic combination of words and actions to convince W to come back, I have to keep this in mind:
Why would I want to be with someone who I have to CONVINCE to be with me?
If she can't make that decision on her own, and I have to drag her back in through some magical concoction of words/actions, then I'll always have it in the back of my mind that I had to do that to get her back.
When she finally clears through her fog and takes a look down the road to see the me I've become, she'll have a decision to make. The very act of HER making that decision will go a long way toward repairing our M...
This is not at all to say that I won't continue fighting for our M, because I will. And it's not to say that I won't be VERY carefully examining all of my interactions with her, because I certainly will. (As a matter of fact, I'll be posing several questions later today or tomorrow for the input of the boards...)
But I'm getting better and better (or at least trying harder and harder) at ignoring the things that are out of my control, continuing to better myself and become the best person I can be.
I can't change her mind, and I don't want to. If her mind is going to change, it needs to be HER decision, and I can't do anything to influence that directly. Even if I could, how could I have confidence that her decision is a solid one, not just one that I sweet-talked her into only to be down this path again in a few weeks/months/years?
The only thing I can do is become the person that she'd be a fool for leaving. And I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that so far. And I owe an awful lot of that to you guys!
