Zooland, The Trials and Tribulations Of...

[Zoo]

Sounds like both you and your H have a bad case of not wanting to face up to responsibilities.... guilty of a similar problem in this M here.

I don't deny this one at all. Speaking directly for myself...it isn't so much not wanting to face up to responsibility as it is being worn down and tired of being responsible all of the time. An overblown sense of responsibility is one of the big flaws in myself that I have been trying to change. Acknowleging it doesn't mean much, doing something about it would mean more...unfortunately I just feel like throwing a temper tantrum right now.

My PERCEPTION of H is this...In a work situation he is one of the most responsible people I know, an exemplary leader with all of the trappings and well respected and liked by peers and subordinates alike. Outside of work though it is a different story...it is like he sheds all sense of responsibility when he punches out on the timeclock (if that makes any sense). I get the spoiled little boy who holds his breath until he gets his way Like I said though, that is my perception and it could very well be skewed because I compare it to myself.

I should probably say for the record that H has been getting better at taking responsibility in other areas, especially regarding the house and animals. It is just in regard to money that I get really peeved amd feel particularly at a loss.

Ignoring a problem will not make it go away!

You are right, it won't. But what to do when it has become a "cheeseless tunnel" ? I have tried to come up with solutions but none have worked. Now I have to do the thing I don't want to do...since H is unwilling to change in regard to this particular problem, that leaves it to me to be the one to change. This means that I will have to suck up the resulting stress and put my foot down. It means that when he starts to hold his breath I just turn away and let him turn blue in the face and pass out (metaphorically). It means I take on the role of adult and "parent". It will feel icky and I will be resentful but I will have to swallow that resentment along with the myriad other things I have choked down.

Not a pretty picture...I have tried to avoid this option like the plague but it seems I have finally worked my way down to it.

Have I mentioned that my DB skills are sucking majorly today?

Hugz,
Zoo