You are on lock down on the alt. I'm not far away. You just have to look. lol
I'm doing good.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Busting, I think we all feel that desire to reach out more especially when we have had a positive interaction. i can not say what is best for you, you need to feel comfortable with your choices at the end of the day..
i know for me that i have stepped back into more darkness.. first i saw everything as her fault, then all as my fault, now i am seeing both of our roles.. but since i was most recently blaming myself, being more honest about things STBXW did, especially during the break-up, brings up some anger, confusion and disappointment, and i do not want to interact with her from that place...you have a tougher time due to your beautiful children.
as brit says, i have taken her off the pedestal.. i think that is an important step. it sounds like you are dong that too.
i like LITB's post about giving him space to miss you.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
LITB, what? i still can't be found?? ok, will go on a search for you!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
i have stepped back into more darkness.. first i saw everything as her fault, then all as my fault, now i am seeing both of our roles.. but since i was most recently blaming myself, being more honest about things STBXW did, especially during the break-up, brings up some anger, confusion and disappointment, and i do not want to interact with her from that place...you have a tougher time due to your beautiful children.
NG- yes i understand this. especially the seeing both our roles statement, and the anger, confusion, and disappointment during the break-up.
Yes, i have to keep in balance the kids..and when the wave of panic comes i try and remember that i only interact with him for that. to be honest, otherwise...i don't think i would at all.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks Busting for posting on my thread last week.
I, too, struggle not to overfunction when I see something positive. I have been known to dive in with a jack hammer as you say as well as: pound on the castle door; throw stones at the window; lob things over the castle wall; wave my banners and ribbons; and even twirl my fire batons in my personal majorette show just for H but thanks to you and the others who have advised me in ways to stop the ride, I am learning to chillout on my blanket.
Like you, I am realising he knows where I am but what he doesn't know is my focus is switched to loving me more than wanting this ride in my life, if that makes sense.
Just wanted to drop in and say thanks. Tumbling
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
I have been known to dive in with a jack hammer as you say as well as: pound on the castle door; throw stones at the window; lob things over the castle wall; wave my banners and ribbons; and even twirl my fire batons in my personal majorette show just for H but thanks to you and the others who have advised me in ways to stop the ride, I am learning to chillout on my blanket.
Love that, Tumbling, and know just what you mean! ((((((( )))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Tumbling! You made me burst out laughing because yes! especially the twirling of the fire batons! oh gosh...when you say it like that, it really is almost comical what we were doing to try and get their attention...to try and remind them we exist...to try and break down the walls before they are ready.
Thanks for coming by. I read your thread more than I post, but i am following and always wishing you well and rooting for you...
and I agree...they don't know that the focus has switched to ourselves. It will take them awhile, if at all, to see that we are actually watching the ride from the blanket.
(((((tumbling))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
before, i would be the one to initiate or not, and if not, i'd have so much anxiety about what he was going to do...every day, every minute, even.
SS I lifted this from part of what you wrote on RoRobinMD's thread. It really struck a chord in me. Felt better to know that the feelings are shared.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi Busting and Needgrace, I'm glad I made you laugh. I officially retire from baton twirling and any other dramatic actions I might devise today. Too much pressure for H and too much "how come you didn't even notice that?" thinking in my head. I intend to choose the blanket every time I want to start juggling or doing back flips on the castle green in future! Tumbling
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Had a good weekend. Lots of fun...a couple of invites on Thursday (the equivalent of a Friday for most) with friends, and on Friday had some friends over for BBQ and drinks. Today was book club. We read Heart of Darkness and Things Fall Apart. Really interesting conversation ensued and I enjoyed having that time to talk, think and analyze about things that have absolutely nothing to do with my sitch!
At one of the invites i was at on Thursday, it was at the house of a couple who are/were close friends to me and H and the kids. The wife is BFF with OW. And while i have stated my boundaries to her in the past (I cannot choose who you are friends with but I would appreciate it if you don't invite me to your house when OW is there), and she has respected that, when i was there on Thursday, there were other people there that i know have condoned Hs A with OW. I got really uncomfortable and left early. Not in a huff...i just said i was tired and was going home.
Made me realize that I am going to have to deal with such things regardless of what happens with H. I suppose i can just choose not to go to things where these people will be. And i do for the most part, but of course i will not always be able to know and of course i have no control over it. anyway, something to deal with I suppose...
Overall I am feeling good still. I have been still wavering a bit with the waves. I don't speak to H a lot. When he calls for the kids I will chit chat sometimes, and sometimes not (my own decision), I end the convo first and I am pleasant. But i also..and I know this not very rational or does it sound very detached, but i also get scared when H is pleasant. I have wanted him to be pleasant for so long..and now he is definitely starting to...I can appreciate that some of it may be because of some of the changes i have made (not verbally recognized by H), but i also fear this ulterior motive from him....
you know...being nice so when the final bomb is delivered he is the nice guy being nice to his poor LBS.
Makes me realize how much trust has eroded between us. And that I need to look at the bigger picture of how much better things have gotten in general. I think we are on solid ground with regard to the kids. he does respond to texts or emails about them whereas a few months ago he was MIA. I guess i just don't trust him with my heart right NOW.
Have been following the recent discussion on Tumbling's thread. Its been really thought provoking for me. Lots to think about.
I hope everyone is well! And is having a good weekend!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
