Feel free to comment but I just need to journal a bit here, get the stuff down so I can organize my thoughts.

Last night about 9:45pm, 15 mins before I leave work, she texts me and asks if I can clean up the kitchen from dinner because the kids were acting crazy with an "I'm sorry" in it. I wait until 10pmish to respond with "Yeah". A few mins later I get a text asking if I can bring up the babies medicine when I get home with another "I'm sorry" and I wait a bit to respond, because I'm closing up, and say yes.

I get home and everybody is asleep already. I change, grab a little something to eat, clean up the kitchen and grab the clean laundry to take up. I hop on the computer quick and while I'm typing to check these boards the history shows that the last things looked up before me were poems about forgiveness. I read one that is in the history and it's about a woman saying mean things to her husband, then when she says to him that they were just words and things will heal, that they just met and she doesn't want to lose her husband, that she loves him, he finally turns back and says he still loves her. I then head upstairs and put away the laundry away, then head to bed.

When I climb in the bed I make sure to hug the edge with my back to her. I fall asleep and after awhile (I didn't look at the time) I wake up to the baby and get her to give her a bottle to get her back to sleep. She wakes up too so I let her take over and fall back asleep. I'm in and out of it a bit and realize at some point she put the baby back in the crib but she's awake on her phone texting or on FB. Now, through all of this I've kept my distance from her, making sure I don't touch her at all and I think I drift off again. I wake again though (no idea how long I might have been out) and she's still on her phone and she says, "sorry, I just can't sleep". I reply drowsily that "I'm just laying here." She says, "oh, you're asleep, sorry, I just can't sleep."

My back still to her, hugging the edge of the bed, I just bury my head and try to sleep. I refuse to console her or ask what's wrong because of LRT, whatever is keeping her up for a change it isn't me.

If the baby wakes up again at all I don't and she must have taken care of the baby. I wake up needing to use the bathroom, I'm still on the edge of the bed and SHE is almost on top of me. She's right there, right next to me, but not touching, just almost touching.

I use the restroom and carefully lay back down. Her alarm goes off a few mins later and she moves and ends up making contact with me briefly by bumping me with her elbow and foot. She lays there a few mins (she's still sick) and then checks her phone again, texts or something, and gets up. She's getting clothes for the two older children and the baby wakes. I get the baby and lay back down with her. She gets the other kids up to get ready for school. While she's trying to get them ready she's texting away and then brings in clothes for the baby.

She doesn't ask me to, I just go ahead and change the babies diaper and get her dressed. When she's got the other kids ready they're heading downstairs and she asks if I'm coming down or staying in bed. I tell her I'll bring the baby down which I do, put her in her walker, and head back to bed.

I'm out again until my alarm goes off and at first I'm surprised she hadn't come to lay back down (which she usually does) but I realize it's probably because she just didn't want to lay back down with me; I can hear her coughing downstairs but I don't ask her how she is feeling anymore. I do some meditation and then get in the shower. I'm dressed and smelling good when I head downstairs.

There she is on the computer and I notice she's going through her FB friends list. I don't stare or go over, I just say "hey" and she says "hey" and I go about my business of getting ready. She gets on the phone and I hear her talking about changing the babies doctor appointment time for today. She makes another call as she's heading upstairs, I just get my lunch and breakfast ready.

***Background info before next part:
Steve is the guy I accused her of cheating with. She and he told me that nothing is going on between them, they've just been good friends for longer than she's known me. All three of us friends on FB and I've met the guy. Even Sat night when I got the ILYBINILWY talk she said that he, and others, are friends for a reason. Many have told her that she's attractive but she knows they just want sex and nothing more, that's why they're just friends and will remain that way.***

I'm still in the kitchen when she comes downstairs. When she reaches the bottom she says, "I just wanted to let you know that Steve is going to delete you off of Facebook. I don't know why, I just wanted to tell you so you didn't think something else is going on. He already deleted me, he's keeping the kids on, just deleting you and me."

Me: "Okay, sorry to hear that."
She shrugs it off and goes sit on the couch and turn on the TV.
Me: "Thanks for telling me."
Her: "Yea, just didn't want you thinking it was something else."
Me: Shrugging, "I'm not going to worry about it."
Her: "I wish people would grow up and stop acting like kids."

I don't say anything else, just get my breakfast and sit on the couch to eat. She's texting and I'm just eating and watching TV. Dog goes to pee in the house and I stop him and put him outside. He starts to bark and I say, "I hear him, just want to leave him out for a min" (because I wanted a little punishment in it) and she says, "that's not why I huffed."

I never even heard her huff and didn't comment. Dog barks more and she says that I should let him in before the neighbor calls the cops, so I just do it. It's really raining now so I can't take the motorcycle, I ask her for a ride and she says yes but asks how I'm getting home. I say, "get picked up" and she says, "sorry, it's only Tue" because our schedules are weird and she forgot that she'd just need to pick me up after 10pm tonight. I say, "that's ok".

I finish up breakfast and (the last night I noticed that the kids had left garbage on the floor again and dirty cups were laying around) I notice that the cups had been picked up and all but one piece of trash. I grab the last remaining piece of trash saying, "thanks for getting the trash there, sorry I didn't get it last night, I was just tired". She doesn't respond to me at all.

I go brush my teeth, and tell her I'm ready to go when she is. She gets up and when she sees how hard it's raining we grab umbrellas. When we get in the car she says it's a good thing it's raining because Steve was supposed to be working nearby (house construction) and if he had she would have gone and punched him in the face.

I ask if they're fighting and she says (rude tone now) that they must be if she wants to punch him in the face and he wouldn't delete her off of FB for no reason. I just say in a kind tone, "I'm sorry to hear that. I know it [censored] to fight with a friend." She says (calm tone now), "yea, one of my best friends." I'm done, nothing else to say. She comments on the rain and we agree that it's good it wasn't like that when she took the kids to school and she hopes it lets up before the babies doctor appointment. As we pass the school she tells me there was an accident nearby a couple of days ago. Just normal chit-chat.

I have to run into the bank and as soon as I'm out of the car she's texting until I get back in. We take the short drive to my workplace. When we get there I ask if she wants the big umbrella and she says yes please so I leave it. I'm going to get out and say, "hope it goes well with *baby* at the doctor and have a fun night at class." She doesn't respond.

I get my stuff from the back seat and lean in and say, "have a good day." She's texting, glances up, and mumbles something I believe to be "you too".

I checked FB because I was curious, Steve hasn't deleted or unfriended me on FB. Her FB still shows her as in a relationship but she isn't friends with Steve anymore. Now, maybe she's changed some of her privacy settings and I can't see some of her posts anymore, no way for me to know. I also don't know if she's still showing herself as in a relationship just so the kids don't ask questions.



Are we still really in a relationship?

Was the poem about me or Steve?

Was she up in the middle of the night and this morning fighting with Steve?

Why did she warn me about Steve? Is she just scared that I'll boot her out right away? Or does she still consider us a couple and doesn't want anymore grief?

Why did she pick up the trash?

Why is she apologizing so much?

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln