TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi ladies, thank you for your posts. It’s amazing what we can learn from one another’s threads! So many of us want answers, including myself. We want movement, we want to see progress. We don’t see anything happening and we get discouraged. I see it, feel it and understand it because I am in the same position as many others here. So many of us don’t see how its ever going to work out. Well, you know what? That’s probably what our WAW’s think! They want us to be discouraged, they want us to move on. They actually want us to fight with them because it will validate their decision!
I know it’s very cliché but this is why we are constantly reminded to have PATIENCE. I can’t believe I am not even 5 months into this bull sh!t, it seems like forever! I constantly think about the 6 month mark. I keep telling myself that I can’t wait for the 6 month mark to come because then I “might” finally get some answers. I constantly need to remind myself that I am not in a rush!!! I am discouraged just like you guys! I’ve posted this before, it’s an email I received from W two months into our separation and yes, I have a hard time letting go of this statement!
From W: “I just know that unless you can be the family's financial rock and backbone every day, week, month and year from now until forever, that I can't return to what we had”.
Numerous people have told me this is concerning and I agree with them. Most of us want financial safety and security but in my opinion this is very extreme. Right before our separation W and I went to a MC for a couple sessions. W said “my concern is Rough will start making really good money and then move on to someone else.” Is this shallow sh!t or what!!!!!
In the end, I haven’t given up, the grass isn’t greener on the other side, we all have our issues, etc….I’ve learned a lot about myself and grown from this experience, regardless of the outcome.
Great stuff here Rough! PATIENCE is probably the hardest thing to come by in our sitchs. I'm sure you realize how heavily I struggle with that every day!
And you're right, our WAW's are probably in similar situations as us, albeit a bit upside down. As sure as we are that they're "done" sometimes, or that they're just so resolute in their ways and there's no path home, we just have to remind ourselves to be patient, keep down our paths, and realize that if it was truly "done" then the papers would be signed and the process would be complete.
We're in the same place as far as your last statement: I too haven't given up, (and I'm sure neither of us will until we realize that there's either no hope left or that what we're fighting for is a mirage), the grass isn't greener on the other side (something our WAWs are bound to figure out some day), we all have issues (some of us are working hard on them, some are ignoring them) and no matter what happens in any of our stichs, We're all going to be better for the lessons we learn, the strength we gain, and the friends we make throughout this process.
Hats off to you Rough. We'll all make it through this.
I don't that having the papers signed means its done. A piece of paper has no bearing on the emotional connection. I know in my case, my w thinks that d will help. I see her struggling with her decisions and I know that d won't change anything. It is something that she will have to find out. I have completely accepted that.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I concur. Straight up, bam! You got that right AT . Look, Eyesopen (no pun intended). This is how I view it. Everyone’s perspective is different, everyone doesn’t see things the same way. Sh!t, look at Mrs D, she’s fighting for her marriage and she’s divorced, there's ALWAYS HOPE. Each sitch is different and yes, for some it's just a piece of paper, I get that alright.
Personally speaking, I am fighting for my marriage right NOW. W might not know it but I am putting all my blood, sweat and tears into it. I gotta great heart and I know I am a good catch. I can’t predict the future but if I get divorced, chances are good that I am done! I have to consistently remind myself that I am not in a rush right now. My reasoning is that if we get divorced I don’t feel I will be a “free agent” for long.
eyesopen, I didn't mean my statement as a blanket declaration to apply to all situations, just in this particular situation, and many of the WAS situations. There's always another step in the legal process until the D is finalized, and minds can (and do) change during EVERY phase of that process. It's up to you to determine how long you keep fighting.
It's never over until BOTH parties say its over... Mrs. D is a perfect example of this, as she's fighting the good fight even though the process is "legally" complete.
And Rough: I completely agree with your statements as well. We're both fighting the "good fight" here, pouring everything we have into saving our R, but more importantly into saving OURSELVES. I too can't predict the future, but I too believe, at least at this point, that if the D is finalized, I'll be moving on. Obviously, we're all hoping it doesn't come to that in our sitchs, but at some point, I think we all would come to a point that we respect ourselves too much to continue taking up arms against seemingly insurmountable odds.
We've been down this road a little while now, and we're both becoming stronger every day. If nothing else, we can thank our WAS for that!
. Look, Eyesopen (no pun intended). This is how I view it. Everyone’s perspective is different, everyone doesn’t see things the same way. Sh!t, look at Mrs D, she’s fighting for her marriage and she’s divorced, there's ALWAYS HOPE. Each sitch is different and yes, for some it's just a piece of paper, I get that alright.