Kimmerz, Your xh knows you very well. He also knows what he can use as bait to set the trap called "reaction" from you. Right now, he knows that you've not been reacting the way that he thinks you should. So, what better way to get a reaction, i.e., good or bad, from you than by saying what he did in front of your child.
The ow is there to support him and evidently, like most of the mlcers, he's not being honest w/her either. He's trying to portray himself as the victim and that you are constantly on his case. When he cries on her shoulder, she's consoling him about whatever is wrong at that time. Most op don't have a clue what is actually going on until much later on. The mlcer will eventually show their true colors to them as well and vice versa. It all takes time to play out.
Don't bring this up to him or he will know that he can then rely on your child to carry each and every "message" back to you. The less said, the better. Trust me, if you don't react, he will find another type of bait to get you to react. Don't take the bait, no matter what!
I understand exactly what you are saying about when they are sane...you get scared.
You are the mature adult here...don't drink the kool-aid. It is tainted w/lies, control and manipulation. Silence is golden in such instances.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
