Hello! 20 year marriage teetering on the brink...

[Wendylon]

If it progresses to PA then I'll have to decide if it's a deal killer as far as reconciliation. It's very upsetting, especially in light of the fact that W said she wanted to move to have time alone and had no plans on dating for quite a while.

I can see why you'd find that very upsetting. I suspect though that many WASs say those words about wanting time alone with no dating without really meaning it. My H said the same things when he moved out in 2004. I think it was a way of easing himself out of the house. I'm intrigued to know whether a PA would be a deal breaker for you.

D15 also said that whenever she asks W about our R, W tells her "that's adult stuff that you wouldn't understand". That really makes her mad too,

Your W doesn't sound as if she's v skilled at dealing with your D15. That sort of comment (whatever it would be about) would really annoy my D15. I think that any D15 would feel patronised and fobbed off.

I constantly question whether I'm doing the right thing in my DB approach. It really does eat me up. I wish I could just turn that switch off and fully GAL.

Do I ever wish I could turn that switch off too! I'm worried though that if I didn't have that focus on H, it might mean that I'd become the WAS. The whole thing seems like such a fine balancing act.

Good luck!