Funny, as I am going through my house there are virtually no traces of my X. He still lives here. And as I found "His" stuff I put it into his room. There wasn't much. Some of our stuff might have been gifts to us as a couple.
He seems largly unattached to the majority of the contents of our home. Guess all the years I collected stuff and tried to make our home visually interesting, a special place for us, was just me doing what I thought I was supposed to.
My next house will be all about what things make me happy. I suspect the colors will be brighter, and the decorations a little bit more extreme.
I bet you enjoy making your space your own. (But if you put in a dogs playing poker painting, we might think you are having a crisis of your own!)
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy can't wait to bring my stereo from the basement. Exw hated loud music. Gonna blast that sucker very soon. And will get rid of all the horse paintings on the walls and exchange them for a Carmen Electra painting and fighter jet planes. Sooooo excited.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
She left behind all of the things that documented the good happy times we shared. Most of them have been put or thrown away. I am surprised by one occasionally. Like a little mine it pops off. If she took something with her like the digital picture frame all references to our happy times have been deleted. The kids noted it. My daughter said it is as if her mother was created about three years ago.
This affects my children. This affects me. They love the memory of their mother, as I still do my wife, however we need to love ourselves also. They need to love themselves enough to keep moving forward. I also share this need. I am getting there. It is a process.
Maudlin that seems.
So yea, changes to the house are ongoing. I doubt I’ll need a dining room anytime soon, sooo I have moved tables and chairs out and I will retask the room with a weight bench from the basement. I am tired of the dog whining from the top of the stairs.
I borrowed the TV from the RV, bought a blue ray player and now stream my television. I need to find a better cabinet and finish the hook ups for local stations, all in due time. Bow season for eastern white tail deer begins Saturday in Ohio
No velvet Elvis ehhh?
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I have a connection to the "Tiki" world. And some of the outlandish things those internet friends do in the name of decoration! YIKES! Velvet paintings are very popular!
I have paintings of my own cats, from college that I'm sure many people find questionable........
Like the line from from the famous Chuck Berry song "My Ding-A-Ling" Live like you wanna live,Baby!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
It does seem so bizarre that they can seemingly forget all the happy times, but they can not reconcile them with the past they have created to justify what they are doing.
I like that you are making the house yours! Make it a place that feels peaceful and as happy as possible. I bought some new zen items and framed some new art and it really helped. I also bought a new soap that has a great scent that just makes me happy when i smell it. Little things can make a big difference, i think.
It reminds you that YOU are worth caring for.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Wendy, Thanks It is past time for me to change my focus to me. To lead myself.
NG, ((((NG)))) back at you.
I feel as though I’ve been experiencing a cranial rectal inversion. Sitting here feeling sorry for myself. It is past time to pull my head out and refocus.
A few weeks back I was responding to a friend on the alt about their feelings related to their parents and their parent’s relationship. It got me to thinking about some of the drama X spewed. I began another cycle of self examination and drilling to root causes. This introspection caused another round of tentativeness in my actions relating to others. I dwelled considering how I was perceived by others, seeking approval and stopped leading myself.
This has negatively impacted my relationship goals for this year respective of the extended family. Nothing serious as it is easily correctable provided I lead.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I’ve been flying under the radar here. I still read this, Newcomers and the MLC forums. Not like I used to and it seems like I’m late to the party for posting a comment or support. A little distance is probably what is needed now anyway.
Relationships with the extended family are better. We usually gather at a fund raiser the first Sunday of each month after Labor day. It is a breakfast and I started out at a different table and then was invited over to sit and socialize with X’s family. I asked SIL1 to look in on my mother as I was traveling out of town for a few days. She agreed and visited mom with one of her daughters and granddaughters in tow. Mom was thrilled to see the little girl and spoke about it for several days afterwards.
I have been called upon to baby sit my granddaughter twice this month so far. Once was a minor emergency and the other was so my son and DIL could get a little couple time. I’ve been letting them take lead regarding visits. I agreed to baby sit overnight one night in November. I am slowly building trust with DIL.
One of the project teams I am on had a site visit and meetings most of last week. It is good to finally be participating directly again. I attended a little party last Saturday. It was a gathering of co-workers and former co-workers. It was the first time I have been to something like this without X. I had a little trepidation at first but pushed though and enjoyed myself.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Signed and sent the waiver form for the QDRO. I sat on it for a few days. There was no point in delaying it further. It is the document directing the split of my 401K.
I am meeting friends for drinks in a few weeks. Before then my cousin and I will bow hunt for 4 or 5 days. It’ll be good to get away and relax for a few days.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Yeah, I am being charged an “administration fee”. It is $300.00. I thought about calling my attorney and making a stink about splitting it with X. After some reflection I decide this is not who I wish to be and by the time I get through the attorney fees and such even if she was mandated to pay half I would only be passing it to my attorney.
At this point it is better for me to turn my back and walk away.
I will have fun. Watching the sunrise and hearing the woods wake up always relaxes me. To be successful from a tree stand you have to be still and I find to be still I must be calm and relaxed. Silent and scent free are also key components of success.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
