LA, what concerns me in your posts is that you seem to continue to be tip toeing around. I realize you're scared, and to some extent, you've been trained to behave how you are, and maybe you are seeing baby steps so you're trying to go slow. But, I worry that you will slide back into the same old relationship. Be careful.
With regards to 25's comments, personally, I don't take your H's side, but I do believe you have to own your actions and really work thru why you made the choices you did, and how you can move past them and make better choices in the future (with answers that don't include "H"). I do believe you have had a profound effect on your H (especially given his issues), and you should be aware of that.
I believe that a stronger you may help your H start working on his own issues (which I believe are larger than yours honestly), but there is no guarantee. The same you, one who appears weak and allows herself to be controlled, will definitely result in the same pattern of behavior from both you and your H, which will likely result in OM3 and D.
I believe a stronger you is the only way your M can have a chance, but even more, a stronger you is the only way YOU can have a chance. If you don't get there and you D, you'll likely remarry someone with the same issues as your H, and the pattern will likely repeat, just with different players.
I think it's important that you stop being who you think your H wants you to be and start asking yourself, "who do I want to be?" Then start being that person!
