WHG: Waiting out the time before D...

[workinghardguy]

Been a busy couple of weeks. Was able to have all the kids this past weekend, or most of it. SS went with his grandpa part of the weekend. Took SD to the mall since she's moving into those pre-teen years where the children's museum just doesn't cut it as much anymore

We got our final hearing date today... the day after my birthday. I really hate that every significant moment in this debacle has been tied to some memorable day. Bomb drop the day before our anniversary. Her move out the day after Valentine's Day. Now this. Makes not remembering awfully hard.

I've actually been pretty good, though right now I'm a mess. Just got off the phone with STBX about the hearing date. Guess the finality of the hearing date has me pretty sad right now.

I will say this whole process has taught me things. I used to be much more judgmental. This weekend at the mall I bought my SD something she wanted. It wasn't a lot, but I found myself doing it because I get to spend such little time with her. Hoping that when she wears it she'll at least think of me. I used to look down on the part-time dads who bought stuff... but I get it now. I'm not a part-time dad by choice, but I am one nonetheless.

It's also taught me to be more grateful. Just last night I was sitting in my STBX's living room, reading over the divorce paperwork one last time. I found myself getting angry and bitter. But I forced myself to reflect that I had just had the chance to tuck my S in, spend time with SS and SD all night, and enjoy supper with them. STBX had to work and I was with the kids last night; tucking them in at her house because of school tomorrow. Lots of dads don't get that. So I could be bitter or I can be grateful for what I do have.

I see absolutely no change in my STBX. We pretty much only talk about the kids. I'm dark except when I have them or are with them. I don't involve myself in her life. She hasn't shown the slightest interest in me.

She has her guy and that's enough for her right now. I haven't been dating and still don't feel ready, though I'm growing more ready each month.

Last night she asked if we wanted to do a joint Christmas this year. I'm not sure yet. Though it's probably the only way I can see SS and SD any time around the actual holiday. We'd go 50/50 on presents for the kids. It's all a little strange. But I'm probably smarting right now from the final hearing news.

The only big development is that my STBX waived any claim to my 401k. She's put off dealing with it since this started. I told her I wouldn't get in the way but also wouldn't help. I also told her I would pay half of the cost of having an attorney draft the necessary order to split my 401k with her. Now she's frustrated and just wants to get the divorce done (even I will admit it's dragged on a long time). So she said to get it done she doesn't want to mess around with the time it would take to get an order and is just giving it up.

My first instinct was to push back and tell her she shouldn't do this. She needs the money... but you know what? She's an adult. This has always been her habit.. ignore until it's too late and then do it halfway. I've always been the one to fix the problems that doing that causes. But not this time. It's a $30,000 swing in my favor right now and about a $300,000 swing in my favor in 30 years.

So... sad today. S will be heartbroken on Nov 12. He keeps asking me if the divorce will actually happen and telling me he doesn't want it to. But we'll survive. Life will go on.