her cruelty and indifference are just getting to much to bear for me
Cruelty OR indifference? I suspect it is the indifference and NOT cruelty. Cause if it is cruelty as in she keeps you locked in the basement naked with no food or water, then I suspect that you would have filed. The indifference is HARD dude. I know. Trying to live with someone who shows you NOTHING is tough. Especially if all you are doing is LOOKING AT HER.
Cruelty to me 1) she told me that all the love letters she wrote were just words and meant nothing 2)Had her parents come up for a visit for 3 weeks and slept in my sons room - how embarassing is that 3) she is taking my son away for 2 weeks for her sisters wedding and I am only allowed to stop by the church for the ceremony and only cuz I want to see my son in his first bridal party. [quote]I can't understand why if she wants a divorce why we are working on the house
Mine wanted to redo the bathroom after she told me she wanted a divorce. MLC makes no sense dude. So are YOU “working on the house” or is she? Are YOU investing money in the house or is SHE? Do you want to fix the house or does SHE? Are you doing everything SHE wants and therefore you feel like a f*cking punching bag?
If you want to fix the house – fix it. If it make sense for you to fix (regardless of if you stay married or not) then fix it. If you are FIXING the house for HER – then stop.
I want the new kitchen she walked through the whole project with me and since I am the one who cooks she layed out the whole kitchen the way I wanted - just very confusing. We are gonn have to sell the house if we divorce - the kitchen was last done in 1968 so we will get more money for the house so its a win.
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DB says we can't ask about the relationship at all
Eric’s top 10 reason why not to have R discussions when you live in the house with a batchit crazy MLCer..
1 – They are crazy 2 – You are way too emotional cause chances are this is the first time you are dealing with someone who is crazy 3 – cause YOU STILL FEEL that something YOU say will snap her as* out of “it”. Sorry ain’t gonna happen. 4 – Cause the more you push her – the more she will push back 5 – Cause if you are trying to save a marriage you do that with actions NOT words 6 – Cause chances are your not getting sex, she is looking good, your horny and really pissed off- and when you are pissed off nothing positive can come out of your mouth. 7 – Talking to your W = stress for your W. Stress = higher probability of divorce. 8 – They are not only crazy but NOT rational. Why would you try and have a rational conversation with someone who is NOT rational. 9 - Your probably really pissed the F off, feeling like a doormat and so do you really think it would be a GOOD conversation. 10 – You still have expectations, which will not be met and piss you off even more.
This is awesome - sit should be a STICKY
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let them have no responsibility.
No one said they should have no responsibility. We, the LBS’s tend to do that, we tend to think that if we are really nice, if we really cave to everything THEY want that maybe they will see that we are sorry. So I agree she should have some responsibility and so should YOU. You are responsible for YOU, how you FEEL, what YOU do, how YOU live YOUR life and she is responsible for HER.
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I think one of the dangers of DBing is that our spouses lose respect for us how can you love and respect
A couple of small changes to the above…..”The dangers of NOT DBing, is continuing to LOOSE respect for ONESELF. DB is about respect and healthy boundaries.
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I feel if I had been stronger from the beginning of this whole fiasco and said here is the line cross it and we're done - now it's to late
Oh I hear you dude…obviously you must have hit some of the anger that we all go through. Could have been “stronger” – Yeah maybe, but probably also could have been smarter too. We all make mistakes in our R’s. We usually carry forward the baggage from our childhood and life, so please don’t think that “strength” alone would fix this. You need to take a step back and figure out where YOU went wrong cause that is the only thing you can fix. As for being “too late”. F*ck that! It’s never too late – if you think it is, well then, pack her or your chit and call it a day. I would suggest though, that you try and at least fix some of the issues you brought to the M; otherwise you may find yourself here again.
Look Sunny, I really am not trying to be an as* here. I just wonder if you have really given this M all you have. Personally, I think not but that is just me. My straight to the point advice is this….
1) Stop fixing the house and start enjoying your life a little bit. 2) Let her go, at least emotionally. Stop paying attention to the chit she does. 3) Stop being a friend or someone she can talk to when she feels like it. Personally, I would ignore her without being a total di*k. If you were out enjoying your life you wouldn’t be around much. 4) I would really focus on my music aspiration 5) You talk about being a good Christian…well what does the bible teach us. Turn a cheek? E? So get back to church and help some folks out. 6) My final piece of advice….write a song dude!
God Bless, Eric
Thanks for your help Eric
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
