T-Minus 3 days until I see W for the first time in over 4 months. The good news is I feel pretty confident in my method and approach for the upcoming weekend. It's a mix of the advice I've received on this board, my IC, and my gut instincts (which I'm finally starting to trust again!).
I'm going to treat this weekend as a sort of fact-finding weekend to gauge where she is in the R and to test how I feel about my course of action thus far. However, rather than just keeping a completely passive approach and letting ALL the information just come to me, I'm going to keep "the conversation" in my mind and color each of my interactions with this. I have the knowledge that there is (or at least definitely WAS) an OM in the picture, something that is completely unacceptable to me moving forward. I'll also approach every interaction with an edge, the edge provided by the strength I've been able to cultivate over the last four months of working hard on myself.
I'm going to keep reminding myself that although this is a woman who I love very much, married and made a commitment to be with for the rest of my life, for better or worse... This is also a woman who, when the going got tough... well she left. Balancing between these pieces of knowledge will hopefully keep me grounded, keep the "needy" emotions out of the picture, and allow me to have a clear mind.
I'm not going to lie and say I'm not nervous. I'm nervous as HELL here. There's still that little voice in the back of my mind that tells me I can "Fix this", but it's more of an echo of the "old me" than something I'm listening to.
I'm trying my hardest to prepare for the worst, but hope for (and act as if) the best will happen this weekend. No expectations of my W, but plenty of expectations of me. I'm trying to remember that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, I'm a better person than I was a few months ago, and I'M worth fighting for just as much as my M is worth fighting for.
Maybe she'll agree, and maybe she won't. I can't change that. Only keep hope alive and remember all the hard work I've done.
And listen closely to the advice from you wonderful people!
