Ugh. I don't know. The man needs to be given a chance and lately things have been better. He's been helping more around the house and with the kids, and did finally agree to a college try at MC (though now we have to find the $). We haven't talked about Retrouvaille but maybe he'll be open to it since it's a lot less expensive than MC.
You are right that he's bitter, angry and not especially forgiving - though I haven't seen too much of those traits in the last few weeks. We've been talking more and arguing less. At the moment there's not much reason to be cross with him. I almost added, "aside from the fact that he's not putting in any effort" but I think he actually is putting forth some effort. But he is a punisher for sure, and what's happening is that he's punishing himself at least as much as he's punishing me.
I have been wearing a hair shirt for 3 years around OM1. I want to say enough is enough but of course I can't. He was truly threatened by OM1 and I say he was right to feel that way. I know that sounds very callous and awful of me, but it is the truth: OM1 was a huge, real threat and I was the one who let that happen. We do have to get past it though, or I will never be able to survive another 40 or however many years with my H.
I also have my doubts about whether H is up to the task of really participating in fixing the M. Or whether it will work out regardless of anyone's desire to make it so. I see that it is possible to get to where I want to be with him, but I don't know how probable it is. We need some serious help. And a lot of getting where I want to be involves some changes he'd have to make, and we all know that we have no control over that.
Let's see how well we do with our budgeting exercise. I asked him to keep track of everything he spends for a week. Wonder if he will be able to do that.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
