Zoo, sometimes you remind me of my W. Sounds like a frustrating time.
YOu kind of took me back to the "5 love languages" book. It was always important to my W for me to help with dishes, etc. Romance was another area. I did what was neccessary or convienient, I guess, not really internalizing the importance of this. Anyway, 5LL made me realize - W was telling me ways to love her. It wasn't about farily diving up chores or buying the token bouquet of flowers, it was about ways to love her. She tried to tell me but I didn't get it. Now I do.
Sounds like your H doesn't get it. He doesn't understand the importance of what you're telling him. If my W had ever said to me "I feel unloved," I would have been aghast, but she never did until the bomb dropped. I would have taken that seriously. If she would have then handed me instuctions about how to love her maybe I would have gotten it.
Michele says to ask for what you want, and you are Zoo. That's good. Somehow your H isn't getting it. Now, I don't mean to butt in (but that's what we do here, eh? ) but it seems to me that maybe you're waiting for him to "get it" and getting resentful when he doesn't. These dynamics are HARD to change, but just a couple of thoughts - instead of "aren't you going to cuddle more," how about "I need to cuddle with you right now." That's what my W would do these days - kind of funny and direct at the same time. If he asks you what's wrong, tell him. If you're crying, give him the opportunity to know why. If he's inserting distance, you can't control him; if you're doing it too in response, you CAN control that.
I remember dynamics in my marriage where we had escalating behaviors of distancing, kind of like an arms race... getting more protective of ourselves, more resentful, more lonely.
Don't know if I'm making sense or if this even applies to your sitch, take it if it sounds right, leave it if it doesn't.
) but it seems to me that maybe you're waiting for him to "get it" and getting resentful when he doesn't. These dynamics are HARD to change, but just a couple of thoughts - instead of "aren't you going to cuddle more," how about "I need to cuddle with you right now." That's what my W would do these days - kind of funny and direct at the same time. If he asks you what's wrong, tell him. If you're crying, give him the opportunity to know why. If he's inserting distance, you can't control him; if you're doing it too in response, you CAN control that.
