Thank you for the kind words DawnMarie. I so badly wanted to leave No Stone Unturned in regards to keeping our marriage and family together, but it is only one sided efforts. The stone you are leaving unturned, is the DETACHMENT stone...you have pursued her enough. It did not work.
The comment that said "it's going good now, take it slow" means she can allow herself to be around you. So what?
She's got a permanent babysitter (you) and she can get her "mommy fix" anytime she wants. YOU created that. YOU can create something new now.
IF and I mean that word, IF, there is a chance for her to wake up, it will NOT be by doing the same stuff
and as you know, as they say in AA, "doing the same thing but expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity."
But you are repeating the same behavior of pursuit and more of it, and it's long past time for not doing that anymore.
Your w does not want to be married to you. She filed for div. It probably costs some money to finalize it OR maybe she does not want to pay alimony or child support, to YOU...
I do not believe it's a "mixed signal" at all, that you say you have not been served. Sorry.
The answers may all seem obvious, but i still remember the reality of how much she previously loved me and felt adored by me too.
then trust that those memories will resurface in her. But if you keep the pursuit up, as you have, you effectively suppress those memories. ALSO, people do change AND SOME of your memories were not accurate, b/c she had cheated on you when you thought things were great, correct?
Don't psycho analyze her so much b/c it excuses her behavior without YOU addressing your duty to create a new life for you and your son.
What if you met OW and had a healthy marriage with her, and modelled that to your son? Just think about it, for a minute...
are you happy with what your son sees of "marriage" now?
This morning i am with my son watching his karate class and have not heard from my wife since her shortened visit this past Wednesday evening.
Too bad for our son, but even more so her loss. She will never regain these lost moments of time watching our boy grow up and develop into a caring compassionate and moral young man.
I wish you well in your situation.
Ed
it IS her loss indeed. I grew up with a girl who is a drug user, although she functions at work.
Anyhow, when she blew up her marriage with OMs, and refused drug counselling during the divorce and so, she lost custody of her only child, a son.
Didn't see him for 10 years. He finally reconnected now that he's an adult.
And she still uses...and still chooses drugs over him, in effect.
Yes it's her loss. AND HER SON'S loss too, but he seems grateful to be close to his dad. The dad (my friend's ex h,) re-married long ago and so the son got to see his dad's 2nd marriage growing up. It was a healthy marriage and his dad was and is mostly happy.
I feel her son won't use drugs like his mother. AND WHEN I saw her at the class reunion, the first one she's attended in 20 years,
she wallowed in self pity about 'what SHE "has been through"....NOT what she put others through or how much damage SHE did to others, so she still has zero insight OR desire to change and your w may well be that way, forever.... I mean, she is willing not to see her only child so that she can....do....what????
Wake up my friend. She's not a good mom now and has not been for a chunk of your son's life. Whatever your mistakes, move on.
I don't say that to mean "give up" I say that b/c if you do not move on, I see almost no chance of a reconciliation. you want to wait that long?
If it matters, NO, my childhood friend, is not a happy person.
But her ex h is, and for the most part, her son seems to be although he's hurt by his mom's continued choice. The son recently married and seems happy. I don't even know if his mom attended. If she did, my guess is, she got wasted drunk OR someone made sure she did not... THink about the path you are on now and ask yourself WHY things would improve if you stay on this path?
food for thought...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
