Accepting reality, moving on with my life

[breakdownbill]

Thanks Everyone

Cutter I feel like I could have written this bit...

I gained the ability to understand about boundaries.
I gained the ability to understand about my needs and wants again.
I gained the ability to understand that I want to better myself instead of going with the flow.

This is exactly how I feel I've gained from this experience.

I share a unique hurt that only us who have been cheated on truly understand. I know as the years go by and someone says to me that they have been cheated on, I can look them in the eye and state. I understand.

^^^Big time!! There's nothing quite like that kind of hurt and unless you've been through it, you don't understand what it feels like.

Now that I've had a couple of days since I've had the talk with (gonna use this for the 1st time) STBXW, I'm not as filled with regrets as I thought that I would be.

I just want to get this process over with & make the transition to be single again. I've started looking at properties and I've decided that once I get my 1st teaching job I'm going to buy a place close by that I'll call home for a few years.

I'm not going to be able to afford to buy (property) anything really nice right away, but whilst the children are at their primary (elementary) school being close is the most important thing.

I know that there are a few LBS's on here who have been or are in a similair position to me with their W being in an affair that they won't end. To me Arsene, your sitch is the most delicate of all I've read, because of contact with your daughter at stake in the country you are in, so don't think that this is aimed at you personally friend...

I made my decision when I realised that my W would not end her affair. After I was told about the affair I forgave her too easily, almost as if I was saying to her (do what you want - just don't leave me). When the affair continued and I didn't leave or file I just kept enabling her to treat me this way.

I've realised that if you don't enforce consequences for actions that hurt you, you will get hurt over and over again.

I struggled to enforce any kind of boundary about the OM, because by that time my W had lost all respect for me.

What I'm trying to say is that, you can make decisions about your own life. You have choices.

For the first time in 7 months I'm not on anybody else's timeline but my own. I chose not to stand for how I was being treated and I don't regret my decision.

I can look forward to 3 new lives on my own terms. My own family life, my own personal life and my professional life.

7 months ago I was not looking forward to anything, I was coasting through life and had very little self awareness.

I've found more than just myself again, he's (oh no speaking in the 3rd person again) much improved and he actually gets himself now (enough of that).

Cutter, if we ever do get a chance to have pints in the real world I'm buying!!

Bill